The Complete Opposite of …

10 is “She’s Out of Your League.”  Both are about dorks chasing girls laced with unobtanium.  It’s in the details where one rises and one fails.  In four words: Kirk Needs to STFU (or “another lame chick movie” or “where are the boobs”)

Movie

10

League

Great Actresses (i.e., naked)?

Constantly

Uh, no

Career Peak for Lead Actor?

This one, because: fucking Liza Minelli or making Arthur 2? AYFKM.

Fanboys.

Career Peak for Lead Actress?

Yes, because Bo had more lines in Tarzan the Ape Man to make the stupid offset the naked

Who? What?

OK fine, but what about the story?

Movie

10

League

Dork

George Webber

Kirk

Unobtainable Chick

Jenny

Molly

Anything else going for the geek?

Julie Andrews (barf); orgies across the way; shit tons of cash

Groping sausage at TSA jobs; dumbass buddies.  So, no.

Anything else going for the chick?

Tits are an eleven; endless supply of “grass”

cute, smart, has learned that dorks>jocks (i.e., Revenge of the Nerds)

What keeps them apart

Jenny won’t shut up

Kirk won’t shut up

 Sacrifices made for the chick

 Saves fiancé; tries to listen

 Shaves pubes to look bigger

Stainer:  I didn’t want to jinx it. But she was perfect. Yeah, perfect. Freckled shoulders. Anyway, two months into it, bam, she dumps me. I shoulda seen it coming too, cause she was a ten. Like a hard ten. I was a six, possibly a seven. Either way, I couldn’t cover the spread. The universe spoke and I was depressed for months.

Kirk: That’s what that was? You said you had mono.

Stainer: Yeah. Mono of the heart.

Jack: OK, my God, how’s your vagina?

The reason guys hate this bullshit is the same reason girls watch it.  We see ourselves in the actors in movies.  It’s all fine for dudes when the hero has a pair and is not afraid to use them.  When it’s fantasy land, it’s all good – we can be that guy, blow shit up, save the day and tap that ass.  When the hero is a dork doing the same bullshit we did (or do) in real life, where’s the win?  Either art imitates the life that you already survived, or it doesn’t because it works out in pretend land, making the on screen dorks better than you. Yay – even Hollywood thinks you’re a fuckup.

So yeah, I hate this goddam movie.