Avast, me hearties. “Captain” Jack Sparrow is missing his compass.

Why? Some girl stole it at a party, and said find me and get it back. But, how, without the compass?

Back on earth, the costume cost $1,300. Yet, Jack lost the costume contest to some girl with a $20 outfit and a $3,000 boob job. So what’s confusing, Captain? Tits beat any of the 9 pieces of 8 every time, as surely as grenade beats rock, paper AND scissors.