Don’t ever get married with children because divorce is completely fucked up, volume 999

August

Ex: I want another day, so I can have 8 hours (Weds. and another) with my kid during the week and 7 on the weekend. But not Fridays.  Or Saturdays.
Me:  OK – you’re mom after all.  That works out to 55 days a year (instead of 39) for child support purposes.
Court:  OK, although with 60, you get eggroll.

Later

Me: What extra day do you want?
*crickets*

Translation:  My plea for extra time was bullshit. But I just saved an additional 15% on my car insurance support obligations.

Later

Kid:  I have school stuff on Weds. nights so I guess I’ll just see Mom for ≤ 90 minutes on Weds.
Me (to ex): Kid ”has winter guard practice on Weds. nights for some period of time.  I don’t know how long it lasts.  We are open to switching your night to Tuesday or Thursday for the duration.  I assume you still don’t want Fridays. Let me know.”
Ex:  ”I plan to keep Wednesday as is. [Kid] will come after school & I can take [Kid] to school when [Kid] has practice.  You can pick [Kid] up from school when practice is over.”
Ex (to Kid):  That parent meeting you gave me the FYI about?  That’s your dad’s responsibility

Translation:  I don’t even want the time I asked for 18 months ago. Also, I don’t want to have to give  [Kid] a ride home from a school thing that starts on on my time ever.

Me:  You owe half the fee, too.
Ex: Fuck you, man.  I won’t pay to support my kid AND pay 1/2  [Kid's] school expenses.

Translation:  It’s all about the money now. Yeah, I’m still kind of fond of  [Kid] and all, but not so much that I want  [Kid] around more, or that I will support  [Kid] above and beyond, especially if I can make it about why Dad’s an asshole and I’m the victim here and no we haven’t gone to Boston Market since  [Kid] moved away from “home” and left me and…