A million years ago, there was this cheerleader with huge knockers. Since this was in high school, that is all I know about this girl from that time – “oh yeah, that girl with the rack.”
Karma: Testosterone is a helluva drug.
Me: So I’ve learned
Last night, she was in my dreams – her and a friend. Unlike the night before, when I went home with my girlfriend and left these chicks hanging, this time the GF was not there. Just the other two, drunk and horny. The racked girl was standing over me, and my raging hardon and easy access. What to do? What to do?
Karma: This is when you leave and go to confession, right? Purge those awful, dirty thoughts…
Not quite. I want to pre-clear this with Lurleen. It might be a “no,” or it might be a “wait, I’ll be right over,” or it might be a “Now you go on and have some fun becomin’ a man. [pix or it’s not real].” But, if I leave this moment, even to go look for my phone, it will be gone forever. What to do? What to do?
Hugh Hefner: It’s better to ask for forgiveness than be denied permission.
And so, in one of those rare dream sequences, I got a piece of ass – trophy ass at that.
Girl: [who cares? Wasn’t really listening. Couldn’t hear over the incipient naked]
Me: Whoops! Say hello to my little friend.
Girl: Why, Hello there.
*waking IMMEDIATELY ensues, before it gets interesting*
So there we have it.
- The sidekick was thinner than she is now, but was otherwise just there.
- (Waiting her turn on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, one supposes.)
- The Girl didn’t seem to mind me being there in her, uh, “personal space,” unlike real life.
- The famous rack was not that big of a point of emphasis for her or me, unlike back in the day.
- The sex part wasn’t anything magical – it was more about being one of those “this is your one chance in this life to do this.”
- Oh yeah, there’s gonna be a conversation about that whole “you did what?” interaction.
- It was a GFE. Oh yeah, there’s gonna be a conversation about that too. more than one, plus some bloodwork.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Band geeks can win after all. Take that, jealous football team.
OTHER MORAL: It’s good to have an understanding girlfriend.