Things Padlock Was Wrong About

1973 Dodge Polara
Mufflers are for the weak
  • That this car was in any way superior to my Fury.
  • Even with my JC Whitney electrical system.
  • Even with it being mechanically identical.
  • That driving this mufflerless shitbox to go be a boy scout leader somehow made me less uncool.
  • That lighting his own farts somehow made Padlock less uncool.
  • That someday soon, the chapter would have underground fortress house, with a giant party room.
  • (Pussy would rain from the heavens, the house would be so cool.)
  • (Even the Alpha Phis would uncross their legs – no diamonds required.)
  • That in our absence, the chapter could manage the old owned free and clear barn we gave them.
  • That Carlos Murphy’s was good for anything other than free appetizers.

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