20 years ago (this July), a former classmate got dead at the hands of a gunman shooting up an office. He was learning the ropes on how to help people solve their problems. It’s supposed to be a good thing. I finished my schooling and went off into the white-collar world. One of the first […]
Read more "Bookends?"Get to it woman – those Mexicans have a head start Patrick Johnston Friday near Zanesville, OH I’m giving a lecture at homeschool conventions this year. My goal is to reach homeschoolers who practice birth control, who don’t want as many kids as the Lord may want to give them. I need your help with a title. […]
Read more "Barefoot and Pregnant"Chapter 13: NTTAWWT(?) Kip loved sucking eggs which really didn’t relate to anything… but why should we stray away from every standard set in this transcript to date? We have no standards. Tim regained all consciousness by this time and suggested that all coons be fixed to halt any further copulation between any interratial species. […]
Read more "Just Say No (More After This)"that has no title Chapter 12: Inches. 12 Pirate Inches “Hey Gilligan, what’s a hardoon in the pantoon? Skipper said he’d get one if he could watch me bathe and massage myself with soap.” “Shit, bitch, I ain’t got a clue. “Professor? PROFESSOR?!” “Hey MaryAnn. Did you Know that Incephalopardigieal Waanguuts are indigenous to Pacific […]
Read more "Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale"Chapter 11: …And a Slurpee and some pickled sausages “Let’s you and me go get some Carltons,” said Larry to Fred. They drove off in a flurry of screaming tires and protestations from the engine of the pimped out Cadillac, curb feelers raising sparks as Larry played curb-hunter. Half of the purpose of the Carltons […]
Read more "The One About Kwik-E-Mart"Chapter 10: At Least It’s Not About a Leper. Oh wait The aardvark commented to the duck billed platypus, “Hey you’re ugly!” The platypus replied… “That’s not very cordial, you must know my mother.” “Yeah”, responed the aardvark “parental influence notwithstanding, you’re still one of the most repulsive creatures in this swamp.” At that point, […]
Read more "Title Goes Here"Chapter 9: Oh God, You Went There Back at [Girl]’s house, [Boy] was wearing dresses and begging for a Section 8. [Girl] was puzzled. She couldn’t decide if it was the real thing. She decided that [Boy]’s comment “fuck me” was the ultimate disgrace. [Girl] went home to mother, deciding that she could get ultimate gratification […]
Read more "Tell your children not to hear my words… (Starting with “No Title”)"Chapter 8: How About a Fresca? Sensing a strange and terrible plot twist involving inter-species mating, Fred thought it best to tell the latest “Little Tommy” joke. As he related the latest adventure of our buddy the potty mouth and fondling the cats, he was sure he heard the unmistakable strains of “Una Paloma Blanca” […]
Read more "Titles Are Overrated: So What? So Let’s Dance!"Chapter 6: Dinner After a half hour of stuffing various body parts into the Zip Loc bags that were stuffed under the seat (along with the various other paraphernalia which Bruce was glad to utilize) the merry bunch traveled back to Lisa’s house to Nuke the parts in preparation for the Oster. The cock roaches […]
Read more "It Still Needs a Title: Dogs and Cats Living Together"Chapter 5: Ooh Victoria, you’re a little monkey woman you know that? You’re a little monkey woman… Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Nick and Heath were pistol-whipping the butler, while Jarrod was espousing the virtues of a chauvinist society and its historical contributions to the 19th century to Audra. “This chick’s gorgeous,” Jarrod thought to himself, “but, for one, she’s […]
Read more "We Needed a Title: Farrah > Audra"