We were wrong. We thought this guy was a Snottsdale Scottsdale poseur with a used Bentley and a purse dog.

It turns out he’s a big dog.  Black on black Phantom Coupé. The only one like it (supposedly) in the country.  So, what do we have now, in the corrected Parasite Paradise Valley version:

• Cell phone glued to ear?  nope. In PV, we have people to take our calls, and hands-free in the car.
• Oblivious to everything outside of personal space?  Check.  These proles were too close to where he wanted to park. Give them a token interaction and maybe they’ll save you from a door ding.
• Foofy purse dog? Must have left that with the trophy wife.  Or else, “not in my car, miss silicone.”
• Rarer than rare Roller, because even if it’s used, it costs four normal houses?  Check.  We would have accepted a 40 year old Lambo, or a bespoke EWB Phantom.
• Safe colors? Check.  Don’t be controversial. Be proud of the “rarity” of a black car.
• Safe colors?  Check. But your outfit is a daring color scheme compared to the safety of black.
• “Always bet on Black” – Wesley Snipes
• “McMansion”?  Probably the guest house in back qualifies.
• Malthusian contempt for the masses by using the mall for his garbage. (say it like it’s French gar-BAAGZH)

The plastic trash bags though? What the fuck, dude? Shouldn’t they be made from the finest cow hides?  I understand lifting your own bags.  If you won’t let a yippy purse dog in the Roller, you’re sure as fuck not letting Jesus the piss boy ride shotgun.