We were wrong. We thought this guy was a
Snottsdale Scottsdale poseur with a used Bentley and a purse dog.
It turns out he’s a big dog. Black on black Phantom Coupé. The only one like it (supposedly) in the country. So, what do we have now, in the corrected
Parasite Paradise Valley version:
- Cell phone glued to ear? nope. In PV, we have people to take our calls, and hands-free in the car.
- Oblivious to everything outside of personal space? Check. These proles were too close to where he wanted to park. Give them a token interaction and maybe they’ll save you from a door ding.
- Foofy purse dog? Must have left that with the trophy wife. Or else, “not in my car, miss silicone.”
- Rarer than rare Roller, because even if it’s used, it costs four normal houses? Check. We would have accepted a 40 year old Lambo, or a bespoke EWB Phantom.
- Safe colors? Check. Don’t be controversial. Be proud of the “rarity” of a black car.
- Safe colors? Check. But your outfit is a daring color scheme compared to the safety of black.
- “Always bet on Black” – Wesley Snipes
- “McMansion”? Probably the guest house in back qualifies.
- Malthusian contempt for the masses by using the mall for his garbage. (say it like it’s French gar-BAAGZH)
The plastic trash bags though? What the fuck, dude? Shouldn’t they be made from the finest cow hides? I understand lifting your own bags. If you won’t let a yippy purse dog in the Roller, you’re sure as fuck not letting Jesus the piss boy ride shotgun.