Chapter 13: NTTAWWT(?)
Kip loved sucking eggs which really didn’t relate to anything… but why should we stray away from every standard set in this transcript to date? We have no standards. Tim regained all consciousness by this time and suggested that all coons be fixed to halt any further copulation between any interratial species. Lisa agreed only if she could perform the operation… “hey let me burn his balls!”
Three weeks later, Kip unable to reproduce any normal range of sexual vocals, decide to become a peeping tom, one that looks into old roomates love quarters. When Tracy arrived, Tim unsuspecting, had been ivolved in a love tryst. After Tracy unceremoniously turned on the lights, he realized that a certain domestic animal had been his entire stimulant. “AAAAggghhh!”, he cried. “I have never been shaboinked by an animated object before.” Upon further consideration, he decided he liked it and moved to the zoo. The next few days were pure hell for Fred and his friends. He had been purposely avoiding transpiring the ski effort and couldn’t figure out how to partake in the sport, just for fun.
Chapter 14: That Poor Aardvark
Three hours later, the friends wanted to go bowling. Larry and Bruce decided to carry 8-pound balls. Much to their chagrin. Soon after their discovery, Fred threw a five-pound pitcher of beer… “Miller time! And the drinking is anything but easy… simplicity is the key, and simplicity means…” “STOP!” Screamed a groovy loopheaded derk of a teenager who’s mother held an executive position at M.A.D.D. You asshole, drinking is everything plus easy for the asshole who killed my pet aardvark!” He felt remorse, an incredibly deep loss for the aardvark (who had, by the way, been “fixed” by Lisa… the wonder burner of male testes).
Chapter 15: Lisa vs the World
After hours of reconsidering the atrosity she had thrust upon the unwilling animal, Lisa decided to do some good for the world. She immediately picked up a copy of “Plain Truth” and read about threat of the nuclear arms race. As her mouth fell open in utter amazement at the dangers of nuclear war. She thought. “I’m going to rid the world of nuclear weapons!”
Before you could say “Shit it’s the bomb” Lisa was aboard a Kuwaitis Airlines jet on her way to the middle east, nuclear time bomb of the world. After a semi-smooth landing at Tripoli, Lisa deplaned, walked through the terminal, grabbed a quick Snickers bar and made her way toward a taxi. “Take me to the Ayatolla” she sported. The cab driver nailed the exelerator of the hot young Yugo and drove the naïve Lisa to the nearest bar. You see, in Tripoli, they don’t have an Ayatolla, and the word actually means “old man with desire for oral sex.” But; really doesn’t really know, I MEAN HE HASN’T REALLY DECIDED whether or not is really is women he likes or aardvarks or maybe he is just real plane confused!!!!!!
Chapter 16: The Drugs REALLY Take Over
So what now!!!!!
So then come this woman and well this man (?) well anyway were do they enter in to the story? The guy, well he kinda looked like a guy, but the girl wasrally scary, although the guy was wearing an interesting looking red sequin dress. Only to have Bruce walk into the room to bellow, “That’s my dress, buddy,”
and away he skirted in his arvark skin cap and “special” garmet looking much like Daniel Boones little sister, who I knew all too well.
As Bruce raced for the door the aardvark skin’s mother entered the picture raising holy hell, spilling red wine all over the carpet, and calling all the law ignoring party patrons who were at this point gathered in a circle around Lisa, watching her do her special coming out
dance.
Chapter 17: That’s a Wrap
Soon after, the dance ended, Lisa spent and in a heap on the living room floor, the group decided to go home and reflect on the perception of normalcy in each of their lives. They knew they had a job to do and they had to get it done before the sun came up (or was it just breathing hard… just like clockwork?) Lisa gained just enough strength to put her saddened cats to bed and put the fish in Tracy’s Portia birth control case, just to see if she’d notice. Fred took Lar home, who promptly signed to his brother, “We’ve just had an incredible experience so don’t marr it with stories of moral terpitude and shit.” Feeling chastised I n front of his girlfriend, Larry’s brother promptly hid under the covers.
But that’s another story. [Girl] and [Boy] ended their night by carefully folding their prospective party dresses and placed them in the third drawer down in the bureau. [Boy]’s saddened heart at ripping the lace in his nicest frock dispelled any chance that [Girl] would get to be on top. Disenchanted with the twist in her relationship with her husband, [Girl] turned to [stupid obnoxious cat] for support.
Fred promptly squawked his tires in a fit of masculinity, flexed his muscles and screamed “Mom, I’m home.” Driving in a the type of frenzy he had only seen in “Star Trek, the Next Generation,” Fred knew the end was near. Rounding the last corner, visions of lepers eating rice krispie treats was all it took for Fred to decide that maybe Whitesnake wasn’t so bad after all. Fred slowed down.
Tracy meanwhile was left to clean Tim and to prepare the regurgitated flautas for tomorrow’s feast. Never fearing for her own life, Tracy knew that Tim would never go for leftovers and had to find a way to dish out the delectibles without his knowing. Undaunted by his own mistaken morals. Tim went to sleep and dreamt of Mexican maids and gringo sex.
The gang quietly dispersed and tucked into bed for the night. Mattie and Tana joined the cockroaches and danced their macabre jig until they threw up.
THE END AND SHIT
Demented twisted minds who contributed to this infested story include:
–Larry “why won’t anyone golf with me??” [Bud Melman]
–Fred “Ain’t my ride bitchin’?” [Garvin, male prostitute]
–Lisa “come play with my ‘puter” [Simpson]
–Tracy “Stress, me??” [Lords] and
–Bruce “if it looks green, I’ll smoke it” [Jenner/Kardashian]
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real events would not be believed as this story is about as ridiculous as any one drunk mind could achieve.
