So a week behind the billion dollars worth of fan boys, I got GTA: V yesterday. Here’s the skinny:

  • It looks a lot like San Andreas
  • You have to keep fit, and develop skills, like San Andreas.

It starts nine years ago, where you and two others have just pulled your guns in a bank.  Don’t shoot the hostages or your co-felons.  Then kill a hostage who steals your buddy’s gun.  Then kill cops.  Waves and waves of cops.

Then dissolve into a cutscene leading to today.

Pick a Ferrari 458 or an Audi R8  and follow your buddy.

Now, finally, you can freestyle.  Until this point, everything was a mission you had to do.

My first mission by choice was to repo some dude’s Harley.  Big whoop.  At the end, there was a question mark on the screen, over my some nice gents wearing green (like the San Andreas gang).

What do these people in green have to say? The rules are pretty simple:


  • drive into us?  We’ll kill you.
  • bump into us walking?  We’ll kill you.

Lesson learned, Francis.

Most important lesson so far? Strippers!!!!!

  1. strip club is pre-located on the map.
  2. they don’t strip for you, but come topless.  Yes, actual cartoon tits.
  3. you can grope them to get them horny.
  4. (don’t let the bouncer see)
  5. I don’t know what happens after that, because I ran out of money ($40/dance).

We’re looking forward to fucking and killing some hookers for their $ finding some way to fund our return to the tittuy bar to complete the investigation.

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