As we all know, KISS is finally being inducted into the hall of fame.  And yes, they’re doing it on drama overload – invite all the past members, no performance because they’re all babies.  All that shit that is all over the media.

Last night I was listening to “Calling Dr. Love,” a tone poem of tribute to the lost art of romance when my radio told me that the Bee Gees song “How Deep Is You Love?” was on another channel.  I thought why not?  Why have these renaissance men, the thoughtful philosophers behind “Lick it Up”and “Plaster Caster” and “Let’s Put the X in Sex” not covered this song?

Can you not imagine the sneers and growls and orgiastic “yeahs” hissing out of Gene Simmons as he sings

Keep me warm in your love and then softly leave
And it’s me you need to show
How Deep Is Your Love

How deep is your love, How deep is your love
I really need to learn

it really could work.  After all, this band would be nothing without leering juvenile sex jokes (NTTAWWT).  Basically, if it fits with Porky’s, it fits with KISS.  To wit:

Billy: Cherry, this is Pee Wee.
Cherry Forever: I’ll say. What do you use for a jockstrap, kid? A peanut shell and a rubber band?
Cherry Forever: [to Billy] You know we’d better tie a board across his ass, or he’s liable to fall in.

QED