Curbhunter Fails

Curbhunter: it’s not for the weak or stupid or poor. Unlike so many other things in my life lately, two of three IS bad. This guy seems to have avoided all three:

  • not poor, because: year old Range Rover
  • not weak, because balls enough to park a Range Rover outside the shithole complex that makes Mesa Ridge Apartments look like luxury condos.
  • Maybe that is stupid.  So is overnight parking in general.  But look in the front seat! A GIANT PUKE BUCKET! That is malice aforethought Eagle Scout like preparation.  You can’t always find a Hill Auditorium trash can when you need one.

Range Rover crash
Perhaps Liz was in town for #88 and dipped into the Balvenie a bit deeper than intended

However, this is a still a curbhunter fail.  Let’s look at the evidence:

  • Streaks of paint down the side: dude WAS playing curbhunter.
  • (Curbhunter includes weedhunter, alleyhunter and Festiva parked car-hunter)
  • Also note the backfolded mirror – the rover was going forward, into history instead of having its legacy ramrodded from behind.
  • In fact, the whole side of the SUV is a tapestry of adventure.  Cool!
  • However, much of that damage is from one shotters (not the same one shotters that required the barf pail).  I think someone was playing sideswipe (or “snowy fishtail“).  NTTAWWT.
  • I’m no Range Rover expert, but from the looks of it, I would say broken suspension, as opposed to stylish asymmetric lowering (FANCY PARKING!)

And WTF?  All the damage is on the left side.  There is no acceptable excuse or explanation – Curbhunter obstacles must be on the opposite side of the driver, or else they don’t count –  too easy to see.

Range Rover crash
Why is everyone on the wrong side?

Maybe what happened is the driver tried the trifecta of stupid: Deathhunter Chicken Spaceship Curbhunter. Maybe this happened in a private parking lot to minimize the feloniousness.  Nothing bad EVER happens when you do it in a parking lot
Range Rover crash
The only other theory I have is that Liz Lexi Mare did this, in a moment of Scotch soaked Smails-ian frivolity.

Smails Rolls
Get that steering wheel back over here where it belongs…

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