Curbhunter Fails

Curbhunter: it’s not for the weak or stupid or poor. Unlike so many other things in my life lately, two of three IS bad. This guy seems to have avoided all three:

  • not poor, because: year old Range Rover
  • not weak, because balls enough to park a Range Rover outside the shithole complex that makes Mesa Ridge Apartments look like luxury condos.
  • Maybe that is stupid.  So is overnight parking in general.  But look in the front seat! A GIANT PUKE BUCKET! That is malice aforethought Eagle Scout like preparation.  You can’t always find a Hill Auditorium trash can when you need one.

Range Rover crash
Perhaps Liz was in town for #88 and dipped into the Balvenie a bit deeper than intended

However, this is a still a curbhunter fail.  Let’s look at the evidence:

  • Streaks of paint down the side: dude WAS playing curbhunter.
  • (Curbhunter includes weedhunter, alleyhunter and Festiva parked car-hunter)
  • Also note the backfolded mirror – the rover was going forward, into history instead of having its legacy ramrodded from behind.
  • In fact, the whole side of the SUV is a tapestry of adventure.  Cool!
  • However, much of that damage is from one shotters (not the same one shotters that required the barf pail).  I think someone was playing sideswipe (or “snowy fishtail“).  NTTAWWT.
  • I’m no Range Rover expert, but from the looks of it, I would say broken suspension, as opposed to stylish asymmetric lowering (FANCY PARKING!)

And WTF?  All the damage is on the left side.  There is no acceptable excuse or explanation – Curbhunter obstacles must be on the opposite side of the driver, or else they don’t count –  too easy to see.

Range Rover crash
Why is everyone on the wrong side?

Maybe what happened is the driver tried the trifecta of stupid: Deathhunter Chicken Spaceship Curbhunter. Maybe this happened in a private parking lot to minimize the feloniousness.  Nothing bad EVER happens when you do it in a parking lot
Range Rover crash
The only other theory I have is that Liz Lexi Mare did this, in a moment of Scotch soaked Smails-ian frivolity.

Smails Rolls
Get that steering wheel back over here where it belongs…

One Comment

  1. […] town roads at excessive speed while placing your car as close to the curb as possible “without going over.” ((c) 1973 Bob Barker). If you survive, you win! If you crash/die/rot in jail, then not so […]

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