Cops Suck

Let’s suppose you went to a bar and had that dastardly second beer.  Let’s say that after repeating this process 157 times that night, you were stupid enough to drive.  And got caught.  And arrested.  This is what Arizona cops will do to you.

CHARGE(S)

Count: Charge Code: 28-1381A1
Charge Description: DUI LIQUOR/DRUGS/VAPORS/COMBO 


Count: Charge Code: 28-1381A2 
Charge Description: DUI W/BAC .08 OR MORE 

Count: Charge Code: 28-1382A1 
Charge Description: EXTREME DUI BAC .15 -.19 1ST 

Count: Charge Code: 28-1382A2 
Charge Description: EXTREME DUI BAC >= .20 1ST 

Count: Charge Code: 28-4135C 
Charge Description: FAIL TO PROD EVID FIN RESP (1ST) 
This is the translation:
  1. you drove drunk
  2. You must have been drunk because of some magic arbitrary number equal to that second beer.
  3. You were drunk under the old measurements, before the insurance companies rewrote DUI laws to inflate their profits.
  4. Ok, yes, you were numerically all fucked up.
  5. And fuck you by the way, for being too drunk to find your proof of insurance, probably because it was too blurry to read.
I’ve sat on a Colorado DUI jury. There, it was not “which charge applies,” it was “how many.” Evidently, if the jury believes the BAC accurately measured > 0.2, that’s 3 DUI guilties without factually determining the guy was drunk driving. No discretion to vote otherwise (unless you’ve heard of juror nullification)  And, these charges could all have dropped on a guy simply sleeping it off in an alley in his car.
[Ed.: Obviously not the case because there’s no gratuitous parking ticket thrown on there.]
Make no mistake, drunk driving is bad, and should not be treated like a sport.  Setting aside all our moralizing about how it’s just a species of reckless driving, unless someone gets hurt, lets get real.  Four DUI charges? Go fuck yourselves, cops.  This is just a money grab. The only surprise is that impaired driving was not thrown in there too.  Maybe the cop ran out of room on the ticket book.

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