14 Things Wrong with Tinder.

Recently we checked out Tinder (MOTTO: “helping people all get down get funky since 3 weeks ago.)
After a full exploration, this is what we found.
14. OCD chicks on Tinder are easily flushed out by the fact that there is no plan for numbers 13 thru 10
OCD Chick on Tinder :  Why can’t you end with 10?!?!?! Why?!?!?!?!
OCD Chick on Tinder :  Also,  I like to hike and beach and comedy club and live music!!!
13. OCD chicks on Tinder are easily flushed out by the fact that there is a number 13 after all.’
OCD Chick on Tinder :  Why 14?  It’s not natural!
OCD Chick on Tinder :  Also,  I and 5’8″ [+] and like to wear heels!  Be tall!
9. Look around. You’ll see three chicks on Tinder check their phones and there heads will explode. (And not just because i didn’t use “their.”)

8. “Live laugh love”? What the fuck? Did all of you girls see the same goddamn chick movie? Or watch the same Oprah?  Or read the same insipid Hallmark card?
7. Stop posting pictures with men!. Sons are ok; fathers are okay.
not now dad

not now dad

Similarly aged guys? What the fuck? We don’t want to see your exes. We don’t want to know the mental picture you have while we’re boning you.

Jesus fuck! Really?!

Jesus fuck! Really?!

6. Lead picture with two checks in it: which one is you? You’d think we could just swipe right to a different picture
who is whom

You’re both getting a left swipe. Bye.

which brings us to number 5
 5. Pictures of your dog, the sea, your kitty cat. We don’t fucking care.
wanted bare, bit bear

We want “bare,” not “bear.” Also no dogs!

4. pictures of your stupid cats are better than no picture at all. (Ed.: not always.) Are you fucking kidding me? When you won’t show yourself, you get a swipe left. Every fucking time.
blank

Nobody fucks ghosts. Or the smart phone illiterate.

3. Soft focus blurry or overly a blurry or overly modded. What are you hiding? Its gotta be something.
2. Bikini pictures! Oh we love that shit. Show us those titties. However, there’s no fucking way to save those.
bikini

Oh, wait. I figured it out!!!

and the number one reason? “No hookups; no FWB.” Again, are you fucking kidding me? Why are you here? Because you want black men but won’t type that out?
Screenshot_2014-09-13-10-22-04
Nun

Which is precisely the problem. Not for you, but for the fantasy orgy bikini party above.

Oh, and number 11? This stupid app eats up all my battery. Take that OCD bitches!
And number 12?  Same pose/same expression?  You’re making the game of “Spot the crazy chick” all too easy.
crazy 2 crazy 1
Ed.:  as if their being menopausal didn’t already answer the question.
And lastly, number 10. You’re 50+/- goddam years old. Enough with the selfies in the bathroom. Unless you’re showing off those tits.  In all the pictures.
selfie

It’s a start.

No Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this:
Skip to toolbar