Date: Sat, 4 Apr 2015 18:02:19 +0530 [05:32:19 AM MST]
From: Mrs. Emeline Vallien <email@example.com>
Subject: Drgonzo, SMELL some fresh body of adorable Mrs. Emeline Vallien
The body of the message was complete spam of course. What I think Mrs. Emeline Vallien intended to tell me was that, as I am a recent divorcee and man of the highest moral standards, she of course was thoroughly entranced by my
monstrously large dick and desire to bone all the hot single ladies of south Detroit like her sincerely held beliefs. So much so, in fact, that she was willing to forgo her workload as a sock puppet manufacturer and close the unmatched sock refugee center in order to hear more about how I could raise good kids who never got in trouble, yet fuck all the bitches like 1980s David Lee Roth after rolling in cocaine and Viagra.
Starting with her, because every bangathon journey starts with those first few seconds
and then you pass out.
I almost believed it, except her wingman friend scoffed at the sock puppet story until the friend’s flaming rum punch came out her nose. If she had said “dragon tamer,” I probably would be scoring right this second.
(With the friend, because fire dick is more appealing than a sock job.)