Joey Wang: I gotta stop drinking with Ray. Too.
Here’s a couple of fun tips for you kids out there, based on yesterday afternoon:
- If you hide between the Benz and the curb, John Law will still find you. (Joey Wang)
- If you’re smart, one ride in a cop car per day is enough. The first one MIGHT take you home. I know from experience.
- The second one has another destination entirely.
- The second one is inevitable, even if you hide in mom’s closet. THEY’LL FIND YOU.
- I wouldn’t have told them you were across the street if you had the common sense not to return after the first ride. (Hence the second.)
Ray: Let’s drink beer to celebrate Joey leaving the first time.
Me: Sounds like a bright idea.
Ray: Hey Look! Wang is back!
Joey’s excuse for returning was his lost keys.
Me: Hey look, there are keys right there on the ground.
Local Dope dealer: I’ll just put them in the house for safe keeping.
Me: Most thoughtful.
Ray: Calls 911 due to nonsense.
Joey: *runs away before the cops respond*
Ray: Hey Joey’s back!
Joey: *yells at Ray*
10 cops: We’ll be right there.
The rest of the beer: Drink me to celebrate!
Me: Hey, where are MY keys? I want to go to sleep.
The rest of the beer: We’re nto quite finished, you and I.
Me: Were those MY keys you put away?
Local Dope dealer: Nah, man, since I didn’t even look to see.
Several hours of furtive searching and restless pretend sleeping ensue.
Me: Fuck, I am fired. I can’t get inot the building, and I have compromised the entire security regime.
Neighbor lady: Nah, dumbass, They’re right here.
Work: We were gettiung a new door anyway. Didn’t you get the memo?
EPILOGUE: dope fiends did not steal my cool stuff since I got the keys back. Ray and Joey made up e3nough for one to help the other search the yard for something. No idea where his actual keys are. I did find a cell phone battery in my driveway if that’s of use to anyone. And, I survived a Monday that felt like the day after I got hung up at the bar on the way to the grocery store.