The thing about the über diet is that what it lacks in calories, taste or substance, it makes up for in lowered Coors Light tolerance. That explains the fact of responding to 2007’s “back in the saddle” girl’s stupid text.

I have no explanation for failing to call her to order a nostalgic booty call, which beer-goggled its way onto my late night social radar. I’m just glad it stayed a nightmare theory. I would hate to have to chew off my other arm this morning.

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