Final Destination

WHAT IF… the reason all these iconic artists  that 2016 keeps taking away from us weren’t supposed to die. What if it is Motley Crue’s fault?

Stay with me here.

In January 2014, the Crue signed a cessation of touring agreement. No more performing as MC after 2015. MC is dead before it’s 2016.

the band theatrically signed a “cessation of touring agreement” that forbids Motley Crue from playing again after 2015.

– The Malay Mail Online. See more at: http://bit.ly/1UOGBhe

Tommy Lee

If the NYE clock doesn’t kill you, surely the drum coaster will. PHOTO CREDIT DUSTIN JACK

But shortly before midnight on 20151231, the indulgent (albeit really fucking cool) drum coaster contraption, broke and pushe the end  of Mötley Crüe back. by like 10 or 15 minutes. Mötley Crüe died in 2016, not 2015 LIKE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO.

Final Destination  in a nutshell:

Alex Browning (Devon Sawa), is embarking on a trip to Paris. Alex experiences a premonition — he sees the plane explode moments after leaving the ground. Alex insists that everyone get off the plane and 7 people including Alex, are forced to disembark. All watch as the plane actually explodes in a fireball. He and the other survivors have briefly cheated death, but will not be able to evade their fate for very long. One by one, these fugitives from fate fall victim to the grim reaper.

However, the Crüe is a band.  What is a band? A bunch of performers, in this case, four. (Or three if you only count Vince Neil when he remembers the lyrics.) So, when the band’s scheduled demise went long, the death mojo of 2015 horcruxed its way into 2016 and latched onto 4 performers (Ed.: plus some revenge bonus kills like the Waco Kid).

Oh Karma, you cruel ironic bitch. Alan Rickman, David Bowie, Prince, Glen Frey are gone, because the roller coaster “felt wrong” when Tommy got on.

(And yes, I am still a little salty that I couldn’t use my tickets and see MC die live.)

1 Comment

  • Die young and penniless, 2016 – Messenger Puppet December 12, 2016 at 10:50 pm

    […] a Pon Farr kind of year (ideally without the treachery). It started out with such promise. I still blame Mötley Crüe for starting all the shit dominoes that fell, screwing with the time […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this:
Skip to toolbar