Oh, look, it’s the University/Harold Ziegler Lincoln Mercury used car lot. This looks familiar… for a couple of reasons. Noteworthy: “This is the most luxurious car I have ever owned (to that point)” – Dad, ca. 1978 (Dad’s frame of reference was kinda limited.) 12/25/79 – Star Trek: The Motion Picture with Chevelle. Same day, […]
Nostalgia factor: 1/10 Overrated at this level, but you can plant a crate motor in one. that has to be worth something. Plus, white bucket seats, man.
Baseline: 0, since it wasn’t mine. +1 for V-8, -1 for not being a 455, +1 for coupe and not a 4 door or wagon, -1 for not a convertible, -1 for my sister owned it, not me, +1 for white seats, -1 for light green paint, +1 for not being orange, +1 for bitchin’ wheels, -1 for spark plugs that wouldn’t come out, -1 for hood that bent at the hinge, -1 for I can’t do math, -1 for not getting this post up on Thursday, +1 for best selling car at the time so there should be one I can pick up, +3 for Car and Driver magazine bullshit factor so as to create the result we want.
Me And My Arrow: Plymouth Fire Arrow on eBay We know this is a fake. Why? Because: rust never sleeps. This car should not exist in the 21st century. Me: Your ‘new’ 3 year old car is all brown and splotchy with rust. Milquetoast: It was blue when I bought it yesterday from those clowns […]
Happy Birthday, Cracker! You still have no taste in fooball teams. The Condoms over the T-Bones? The Falcons? WTF? Sorry about sending Dog 2.0 to break up you and your then-girlfriend in mid-shag. Sorry, too, about sending Milquetoast to break up your bongathon, while I was out on a very important DUI (Leafhunter= Curbhunter with […]
Really Stupid –As Cracker, karate kick the back of the toilet and break off the water inlet tube. (There IS a technical term for this thing.) Once you do this, the toilet is out of commission. Plus, flooding – BONUS!!! Mom will be so proud! The mechanics are really simple: run down the hall at […]
STUPID DRUNKEN THINGS NOT TO DO Drive from Daytona to the gator farm in St. Augustine at ludicrous speed. When it’s time to pass the geezers, drive in the oncoming lane, while 8 Barrel and Phid, driving behind you, pass the same car at the same time, on opposite sides. (Mustang GTs can go off-roading, […]
Again, don’t ever do these things!!! 101 (forgot where I left off – Damn you Jose Cuervo) Get a bunch of beer and drink it. Go to a new subdivision under construction where the parents of someone you know are building a new house. It will be more fun explaining this to people who can […]