Author Archive for Gonzo di Dottore

Gonzo di Dottore [Ed.: He's not a real doctor. Or Italian.] is a noted author, poet, photographer and bon vivant. Or was that savant? It's hard to tell sometimes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die

Aside

In our previous episode, we were headed to the Goathead Saloon.

Nope. Closed, for sale, DOA.

Deader than SAE after the YouTube.

Southern Nights

1998 Town Car

Uber is not all it’s cracked up to be.

Saturday Night is a Great Night for night two of a weekend bar crawl. It has to be better than Friday in Scottsdale with its lookalike clubs, bar-rescued overpriced theme bars and packs of hot but insipid ASU chicks. Plenty of milf-y Scottsdale goodness showing off their silicone, too, but they’re all paired up. Their dudes are eager to show off the handiwork and stake their claim by mashing while you do your demoralized shuffle past the minivan hormone showcase.

So Saturday, aim lower. Some place with Earth-based beer prices. Some place unfamiliar with artisanal ice. In four words

Monkey Pants: Dark. Try the Cheese.

Yucca Tap Room: Too fucking many hipsters.

Uncle Monkey: pandemographic crowd; well-lit dive

On deck the next time there’s a night off?  The Goathead Saloon.

TextNonFails – when you say “jalapeno” and the phone types “hell up in you.”

marquis roof

Back to “Normal”

Today marks my third wrestling match with the 30 foot long anaconda.  For those of you that wonder, this is the process: The Prep:  the “Koolaid” sucks, but it’s a million times better if you follow your own “one-way” signs instead of the “alternative” prep. (NTTAWWT) It’s not the bowl or the horcrux that’s empty at the end. 

whiskey

Whiskey, Part 17

My big night in Scottsdale. More Whiskey, less company. The big takeaway? Themed bars that would make Bar Rescue proud. Drink prices that seem more like the club life than a place for locals. That’s all I took from the experience.  All my old hangouts were aged out. Probably many years ago. So, they didn’t even get my nostalgia dollars.

FaLiLV

50 Shades of Grey: “The Movie in My Head Was Better”

I did not set foot in any theater showing 50 Shades of Grey. I never read the books.  What I have learned about it though, is a couple of important things: Plotwise, it’s basically Pretty Woman: Behind the Music. All those fancy clothes had a price. Women who go for the romance or the boning sometimes leave the theater anxious,…

When the Phi Sigs come back home

All the Young Dudes

Dear America As a human being, an American, a college graduate and a third-degree member of Phi Sigma Kappa, I am aghast at the conduct of SAE at the University of Oklahoma. I’m not terribly surprised, though.  SAE has always been synonymous with dickweed (at least at Western and ASU). Back in the day, SAEs were notorious moneyed assholes. At…

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I immediately regret this decision

You would think the lesson was clear enough from the first go ’round. Going to Eli’s means one of three things. (or 5, if you count “that you’re an idiot” twice.) you want another felony DUI stop, because that was fun. some chick (who might want to shag) suggested it. some chick (who assuredly DOES want to shag) suggested it.…