The Internet: Where the HELL Have You Been?

It’s been a long couple of months. Long story short, I can’t compete with the tragicomic shitshow that is the presidency of popular vote loser Weiner von Shitstain. So, I OD’d on Strippers and cocaine joined the priesthood worked my ass off like a wage slave about to be assfucked by some oompaloompa who would rather watch […]

Peak Vader

Rogue One is fine. The continuity and shoutouts (Captain Antilles, anyone?) reach gratuitous levels, but still not as bad as Sith. Thankfully, no mention of Yoda.

Die young and penniless, 2016

Me at the beginning of 2016; me about 5 hours ago, wishing 2016 would GTF off my planet already. pic.twitter.com/BsXMiJzBMo — Messenger Puppet (@messengerpuppet) December 13, 2016 I really thought this was going to be a Pon Farr kind of year (ideally without the treachery). It started out with such promise. I still blame Mötley […]

A: Pretty much just like this…

except with more passive aggression and veiled threats.

Q: How was your day, dear?

There’s No Great Green Hand in Space

Star Trek Beyond was great, and I just loved Jaylah. It still labors under the burden of being part homage. Itstill follows the blockbuster formula of gratuitous, obscenely powerful yet surprisingly un-devastating urban destruction. And impossible physics. Despite that, it was great. No spoilers.

This Town Needs an Enema

My fraternity’s national organization is filled with North Korea-like hardliners hamstrung by institutional inertia and a centripetal focus. Basically, their response to some legitimate concerns about financial and fiduciary matters has been to stick the information in a file and wait for the complainants to die. Character indeed.

You’re in Trouble, Savage Henry

We’re coming to Vegas to croak you.

Take it easy – I’m pre law

Enjoy the new tagline…

Gentlemen!

#dieSparty

The best part of the #Sparty victory tonguebath is switching the TV to #Goldfinger

Back to “Normal”

Today marks my third wrestling match with the 30 foot long anaconda. For those of you that wonder, this is the process: The Prep: the “Koolaid” sucks, but it’s a million times better if you follow your own “one-way” signs instead of the “alternative” prep. (NTTAWWT) It’s not the bowl or the horcrux that’s empty at […]

Messenger Puppet

Indulge Your Inner Weirdo

At the Movies