In the little blue pill corner, the Dodge Viper GTS
"He decided to stop waiting..."
In the natural male enhancement corner, the Lamborghini Murciélago LP 640 Roadster
"...the original once-daily tablet for natural male enhancement"
Two men enter, one man leaves…
(yeah, that’s what she (the trophy wife) said)
Think about it:
As always, the truth is found in Animal House.
Vincent Black Shadow? If only...
My friends call me Harley Davidson Iron 883. You can just call me “Daddy,” but I’m not your father’s 2 wheeled deathmobile
429, Convertible, bench seats, $275
I coulda been a pimp contender
My man card is hereby surrendered
Nothing else to say, really.
I TOLD you not to shake the Andre before you popped it!
I did not cause this, despite ample time in the “wayback” seats. This is why I took a pass on buying a Nissan Cube.
(This is not about the fart can muffler or the roof things)
Badges? We need more stinking badges!!
Check the badges: a “Jesus Fish” on a Lancer Evolution.
Door #1
2006
Rock: Hi mustang. Let me chip your windshield.
Geico: A Lizard Caveman cocktail will fix it nicely. No deductible.
Me: Yay.
Fastforward to 2010
Rock: Fuck you xoxBox windshield. Die from a puny chip to the sweet spot.
Geico: Hah! no coverage for you, dancer boy.
Me: huh? WTF?
Geico: We don’t know if we cancelled or you did, but we do know you don’t have coverage anymore.
Safelite Repair Dude: $286 cash please. daddy needs a new pair of hookers and blow.
Door #2
2007
Me: 155? I like it here.
SWFs: I wanna rock with you.Various dramas ensue
2010
Me: The 34s went from loosies to no this ain’t happening
Scale: Remember me? Perhaps you remember my friend?
Beer: And me?
Hot wings: And us?
Beer: But mostly me?Karma: Laughs maniacally.
LA Fitness: Remember me? I’ll sing Whitney Houston if it helps.
So there it is.
Saturday 3:00. Time to wash the xoxbox. (Ed.: Redistribute the Phoenix rain slime is a more accurate description)
Me: ooo a rock in the tire.
Me: ooo, a roofing nail too?
Me: Fuck. Pull it and hole. * makes popping sound* New tire= $145. Bank balance + available credit = $10. Fuck.
Me: Fix a flat means new TPMS sensor too. Add $120 please. Fuck.
Karma: *laughs*
Me: Oh wait, Discount Tire loves me with free rotations and tire repairs.
Later…
Me: Hi Discount Tire. I have a nail in my wheel. I am a dumbass.
Discount Tire: Hi. No, it’s a rock. Yes, you are. Fortunately there is no moron surcharge on free services.
Karma: *pisses pants laughing*
