Messenger Puppet

Driving (A Bulldozer) While Intoxicated
Ohio man suspected of upturning neighbor’s lawn under influence
JUNE 30–Meet Robert Tite. In an apparent drunk driving first, the Ohio man is facing criminal charges for allegedly piloting a bulldozer while intoxicated. Tite, 57, was nabbed last Friday after he drove the heavy machinery onto a neighbor’s property and uprooted trees [...]

I understand the A Chi O’s not associating with us, just as i understood the privilege of the Alpha Phi’s deigning to appear at a joint party with us and the Fijis.

Money.  They had it, we didn’t.
Class.  They wished, we didn’t.

But the Chi Os?  Hanging with them was almost as impossible – once. maybe twice [...]

This is the Porsche 944, thebest iteration of the crappy little 924 that came out in 1977.  In the 80s, these were the shit.  There was a maroon one driven by a regular at the 7-Eleven where I wasted part of my elongated sophomore year.  I saw it up close and personal one night.  I [...]

This is Columbus, OH, mecca for the walmart/value city/ trailer park nation.  Also, home of the nations most pathologically obsessed fan base.  No wonder, the marketing geniuses of the House of Beam decided to pander to the delicious low hanging fruit of bourbon swilling Buckeye fans.  To be fair, I always pictured them as more [...]

I swear…

Man drank from beer bottle, urinated in front of officer
by Christelle Hobby – Feb. 20, 2009 09:41 AM
The Arizona Republic

A man with three previous DUI’s was arrested after nearly colliding with an unmarked Mesa police vehicle — twice.  Mesa police said undercover police Sgt. Mike Ivey was patrolling near First Avenue and Dana Avenue [...]

Some jokes write themselves, 37 times…
Green means stop for drunk concert-goer
A woman was arrested on multiple DUI charges, traffic obstruction, and being a minor in possession of alcohol Feb. 6 at 1:31 a.m.
Police responded to the area of East Speedway Boulevard and North Cherry Avenue after a SafeRide employee reported that a woman was passed [...]

Many men make foolish choices because of sexual attraction.
Dr. Charles Raison, psychiatrist and director of the Mind/Body Institute at Emory University

Oh really?  GASP!  I had no idea.  That has never been my experience.  And by never, I mean not in the last 10 minutes.  Mostly.
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Men see bikini-clad women as objects, psychologists say
CHICAGO, Illinois (CNN) — [...]

pale ale and 25 mpg – I’m in.
Sierra Nevada Beer Used to Power Vehicles

…In other words, beer leftovers are being turned into ethanol… [From: dvice]

2 Surprise teens suspected of taking forklifts for joyride
by Lisa Halverstadt – Jan. 27, 2009 11:42 AMThe Arizona Republic
Surveillance footage helped Surprise police arrest two teens they say temporarily made off with two forklifts stored in the new City Hall parking garage. The cameras captured the two 15-year-olds riding bicycles into the garage on North [...]

Police: Man takes off with 2 cases of beer from Circle K
by Nathan Gonzalez – Jan. 16, 2009 12:19 PMThe Arizona Republic
Mesa police are seeking a man they believe threatened to stab a Circle K convenience store clerk for two cases of beer early Friday, police said. The incident began about 3 a.m. when the [...]