Messenger Puppet

Like all good future  scout teamers and career backups, it is important for Timmy to know the protocols of the inevitable felonious shenanigans to relieve the enormous pressures of holding a clipboard

Lesson One: DUI Felony Stop (AP photo)

Don’t strain yourself. Put the crayons down and crack a brew with some Cheetos and Jerry Springer reruns if it gets too tough.

Sorry. "At WalMart buying Ramen is not the answer"

Too busy to shake hands with the guy who kicked your ass after you Favred it up with a dumb, comeback killing INT…

"I must go cry now"

Not too busy to blather like a dork to softball questions…

"Mama says Football is like a box of chocolates..."

Even though their team is doing its best to shit itself out of the tournament, it’s never to early to plan that MSU tournament elimination party (or stock up for football season).

25 year old minivan to boot! The career at Pizza Hut really continues to pay off!

Dear asshole Bidwill people:

Now that Kurt “I am afraid to see my shadow” Warner has walked away* from your traditional doormat team, can we please revert to the previous policy of opening the fucking roof more than once a season?  Is it really too much to ask, that in the so-called Valley of the Sun, we’re allowed to see it as promised.

Yours in contempt

Matt Leinart

*Subject to Favreing things up and reconsidering, of course

Lane Kiffin, Manager of Trojan Donations (theonion.com)

USC Credit Union:  Where Trojans Bank

coupled with

All Access Trojans

Tell me there are not at least 117 jokes here.  (Not counting the coach.)

Mr. stupid ill timed turnover (for the third season/retirement in a row) .

Tie game.  Driving for the win.  D-ooh, another BF turnover.  Then, sidelines as the SB berth slips out of your buttery fingers.

This is the ending Karma had in mind for you two years ago, Brett

Karma now hates you, Brett.  Shoulda left a Packer

Michigan gets all high and mighty about promotional Bud Light cans, claiming trademark infringement.

This is the demon in the flesh, in AZ Cardinal colors.

In the flesh, it looks licke a Dr. Pepper. Maybe THEY should be pissed off.

Can you spot the football connection?

U2 is not afraid of the sky, but the Cardinals (hello? birds!!!) are. WTF?

Dear Michael Bidwill:

Grow a pair, would you?  U2 gets an open roof in October, but the Cardinals are too big of pussies to do the same?  Fuck you.  I paid extra for the hole – I expect to be able to use it.

FOAD

Me.

P.S.  Yes, “Fuck you.  I paid extra for the hole – I expect to be able to use it.” is the same rant I use on that Vegas hooker.  What’s your point?