Category Archives: The Real World

Motley Crue

Pandora’s Box

So I am kid 2 us driving to school.  We stop at the Kwik-E-Mart for a beverage and some cash.  We hop back in the car.  As the car starts, from somewhere, the first few bars of this…

start blasting. However, the radio is off (because: kid driving). WTH? Where’s that music from?

Kid 2: Dad, that’s you.

Yep.  It’s me.  Pandora is playing. In my pants.

Karma:  Only because that is where the phone is.

I didn’t ask it (her?) to. I hit a button that should not make the app stop, but it did. (Usually, you have to navigate to a secret screen to get Pandora to STFU – it’s never this easy).

So, I am at a loss.  Is it an impossible pocket dial? A poltergeist?  The Thought Police NSA being cute?

Winston Smith: [observing the Prole woman from their hideaway] The future is hers… we are the dead…
Julia: We are the dead…
Big Brother: [voice] YOU ARE THE DEAD!

Was it Oprah, being all Dr. Phil about my life?

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big brother 1984

Freedom Is Slavery

Oakland Cops Have a Spy Tool So Secret They Can’t Discuss It –  Deadline Detroit.

…Undersheriff Michael McCabe tells The News: “Hailstorm helps us capture fugitives from the law, people wanted for murder and rape” and can be used only with a search warrant. He said the federal Homeland Security Act bars him from discussing Hailstorm, but he elaborated at length about what it doesn’t do.

“It’s not a tool to spy on people, unequivocally,” McCabe says. “It does not record cellphone conversations. . . . Hailstorm does not capture personal information on anyone or store unintended target data. It does not take photos of anyone. It doesn’t take videos or fly in the sky. It’s a tool used for criminal investigations and it’s legal and lawful.”

Yes.  Who would ever understate the technical capabilities they have, or specifically deny what is obvious or misuse an offical device for an unoffical, off label purpose?  Certainly not the cops, and certainly not with DARPA/DHS “snooptech.”™

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The Bible is Like One Big Hallmark Card?

Quoting its verses is like the cards I used to get that said “to a special boy.” It is a substitute for articulating one’s own thoughts.  It is a refuge – a sword and shield -for those who cannot string together their own words, or whose convictions need the imprimatur of some supreme being before they’ll let themselves believe it.

Case in point.   Continue reading

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Aston Martin Vanquish Bear

On the bright side

the Bear has jumped out of the pot of slowly boiling water that was life under mom’s roof. So, I declare victory.  My kid is out and taking on the world more directly.  Yay!

Am I thrilled that gaining that measure of independence did not come with true independence (there is a BF/roommate in the picture)? I had higher hopes. I do also understand the $ reality.  Jump with compromises > not jumping. Continue reading

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missing something?

Too Close To Home

In every sense.

I’m driving the thing that is not a  redRam 1500 with a Hemi and a touchscreen that I REALLY want car to the office. Around the corner, I see a parked Camry with a critical ass implosion. It’s like my neighbors’ kids after one of their constant DR calls.  Plus it’s a Camry: a crash is an improvement.

camry crash

oddly familiar

But I keep driving. Slowly. The debris field around the car is unsettling.  Then I remember.  I know this story.  I lived it.  It’s actually never that far out of mind. Continue reading

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gonzo raoul

How Much is that Lemon Meringue Pie ?

Raoul and Gonzo

Two glasses of ice water with ice.

Ahwatukee is where you go when you’ve fucked up once too often in Parasite Valley and when you’re not even welcome in the cut-rate downtown Scottsdale places.

The Nellos pizza lounge seemed like a fairly safe haven from our storms.

No hassles, no talk. Just a place to rest and regroup.

I wasn’t even hungry.

Continue reading

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(CC) Peggy Davis 66 (Flickr)


In our previous episode, the response to a motion pertaining to a question of Turkish law and procedure had all the information about Turkish law and procedure removed as “irrelevant.”  Now it’s just bare bones facts: married/divorce/no judgment in Turkey, as requested.

Moe: Wait.  This paragraph is too short.
Me:  It says everything you wanted.
Moe: Also, respond to the 11 paragraphs of facts that really don’t mean anything.
Me: I already said the first 8 are fine, 9-11 is stupid and irrelevant.

Moe: No, you need to do a numbered list.
Me: You mean like it’s a pleading?  But it’s a motion.
Moe: Yes.
Me: Which is not a pleading, because we have seven rules about pleadings and one about motions, and this is a motion, which, as defined in the rules, is not a pleading.
Moe: Exactly. Continue reading

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(CC) Peggy Davis 66 (Flickr)

How to be a lawyer

An occasional series of rants.

When a partner gives you a motion and tells you to raise x, y and z defenses in the response, spend all your time forcing those defenses to fit the facts.  Even if they don’t.

Don’t waste your time trying to understand the arguments on the other side or analyzing whether they are applicable or meritorious.  They’re not, because, as above, they come form the other side.

Also do not bother to understand the issues underlying the case, like what is the significance of recording a document in Istanbul.***  Everybody knows only American law matters, even when deciding what something done in a faraway land  has to do with the case.

Moe:  Fuck that.  Turkey is a sandwich.  Cut out all that explanation shit and give me what I asked for.

Moe:  Also, it’s your fault if it doesn’t win, especially if it’s because you took out all that explanation and analysis bullshit.

[Yeah, I know.  "Cry about it, you baby."]

***How this works is you either supply the information so you can be told you’re stupid if it’s deemed not relevant.  Or you can omit the research, omit the findings, and be peppered with “where is the answer? Why did you not think this was important?”  questions. I’m Dilbert.

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