Messenger Puppet

Door #1 2006 Rock:  Hi mustang.  Let me chip your windshield. Geico:  A Lizard Caveman cocktail will fix it nicely.  No deductible. Me:  Yay. Fastforward to 2010 Rock:  Fuck you xoxBox windshield. Die from a puny chip to the sweet spot. Geico:  Hah!  no coverage for you, dancer boy. Me:  huh?  WTF? Geico:  We don’t [...]

If this car has coil springs, I would have its babies, or it would have mine.

Farrah is dead.  A billion pubescent boys said, “I’d tap that ass” over the years and now she gets ass cancer and dies.  Coincidence? *

Life is all about ass – David Lee Roth Skeletor bites it. Needed to respect the 30 foot anaconda. (Too soon? She owed me for blasting the PTL when I was trying to sleep after long nights of 7-Elevening) Bush, for once, learns from the mistakes of others; wrassles the thirty foot anaconda. Still loses. [...]

Sorry. Been busy. The never ending break up. What is so hard about “stop calling me” and “no, I won’t give you that (or “those“) any more”? Yes, this is me saying that second one. Yes, those is what you think they are. Blind luck is its own reward.Mexico. I went there over the weekend. [...]

is on the climb. Especially those 40 footanacondas

The 30 foot anaconda story has an unfortunate aftermath. The Vet wants $500. The zoo’s bill is yet to come. What a f***ing pain in the ass. *rimshot*

Alice Cooper with the the 30 foot anaconda called to say the snake didn’t die. So, that bitch gets penned up for 5-7 YEARS. Yay for me. I think I will wait 8+ for the next deathmatch with that mofo, to toast the new sock decade of weirdness that will spawn at about the same [...]

She asked me to undress and lie on her table. Her hands were all over my back and chest. Her deep penetrating stare held me entranced while she worked her magic. Then, near the end of our time together, she slipped her hand under the towel over my waist and took hold of…

That was my Tuesday and Wednesday. Don’t ask. Just be glad I’m back