How to Pick Up Girls

Bandaids Show Club
Fredo Wang, suave and debonair and surprisingly conscious for 8 a.m.
  1. Put on your Sunday best.
  2. If you want to meet a classy girl, go where they are likely to be found.
  3. Choose a time when the numbers work in your favor, and when the workday is done and its time for them to cut loose a little.
  4. Buy them exotic drinks that reflect your good taste and sophistication.
  5. Regale them with tales of your fabulous and exciting life.
  6. Wake up from dreaming you have a chance with alive human females, search “goatfucking” on Craigslist, make the call and pray that this time, it’s not a cop on the other end of your weekend entertainment.
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I swear this is not me, Lurlene

For one, I never go out without my hubcaps. Safe wheels and all that…
  1. I don’t have this car anymore.
  2. I went to bandaids just that one time.
  3. Yes, when I get VIP parking, it’s because the strippers feel like they owe me something extra at the end of the night, but that refers to what happens in the car, not where I parked it.  This is day time.
  4. No, not the morning after the night before.
  5. I promised you could come with the next time.
  6. (Yes, I meant that as a double entendre.)
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