Here kitty

Cripley:  Let’s go to TC’s for beer and stupidity! Radar:  I like beer! Gingerman: We can take my Jeep, because it lacks creature comforts and is prone to tipping! Later Cripley:  TC’s was fun! Radar:  I like beer! Gingerman: Not tipping my Jeep over counts as a win! Then, alongside a car ahead, there are […]

Read more "Here kitty"

Johnny Blaze

TC:  What did you do wrong? Crabs:  I took your truck without asking. TC: What else? Crabs:  I drove it to Ann Arbor TC: What else? Crabs: …while fucked up. TC: What else? Crabs:  …and I took the keg TC: What else? Crabs: … and three frat brothers TC: What else? Crabs:  …and we stole […]

Read more "Johnny Blaze"

Best Damn Fairmont Ever

Fit and finish is OEM (look at the hatch glass)
Blurrovision, like a UAW assembler on a Monday after the Super Bowl

The Best Damn Fairmont blurb doesn’t technically apply.  Gingerman had one (green with a tan interior covered entirely by one sheet of shitty cheap plastic – even the seats).  Hummelberg had a newer black one with a T-roof (which acted like a torsion bar, the car was so flexy without its roof on).  Both were shitboxes compared to mine, but compared to IIs, and dorky Fairmonts, they were friggin’ awesome.  God, were we stupid.

Read more "Best Damn Fairmont Ever"

Animal House

OOO, I am so impressed
Chi O’s may know how to party, but their back seat parlors need an upgrade.

I understood why the girls of “A Chi O” would not associate with us, just as I understood the privilege of the Alpha Phi’s deigning to appear at a joint party with Phi Sigma Kappa and the Fijis.

  1. Money.  They had it, we didn’t.
  2. Class.  They wished, we didn’t.

But the girls of “Chi O”?  Hanging with them was almost as impossible – once, maybe twice a year.  The Phi Mus would be over in a heartbeat.  The DZs were always up for a good time, and the AOPies were usually good sports.  But Chi O?

It couldn’t be the money – they rented out a dorm from Western after losing their house.

It couldn’t be that or class, as this parking lot shows:

  • 1977 base Firebird – equivalent to Pretty Boy.  Also mostly shit.
  • 1978 AMC Concord – complete shit
  • 1978 Ford Fiesta – same as Sheen.  Not complete shit, but cheap.
  • 1979 Ford Pinto – slightly less explosive than Piller’s Pinto, but still beyond complete shit
  • 1979 4 cyl Mustang – same as Gingerman and Hummelberg.  Also, just a shitty truncated Fairmont.

You girls weren’t even Bimmer-driving poseurs, so what gives?  It’s me drunk humping the legs of everyone on your executive board, isn’t it?  (That or the fact that the Tekes and their ample doobage supplies were a lot closer.)

Read more "Animal House"

Frat Party Flashback


Cruising into work this morning  (at a snail’s pace – thanks again, photo radar!!) and this song comes on the radio…

What a stupid piece of shit song, right?  Well, it’s also nostalgic (in a pathetic, demented sort of way).

  • first time I heard it was at the FSK house
  • (at a Phi Sigma Kappa kegger – big surprise)
  • The Romantics were from Detroit.  Detroit music was cool – WLLZ (Whole lotta Led Zepplin)  WRIF (Baby!), Motown (as I learned later).  Even Ted Nugent (pre-insanity) compared to the tighty whitey repress your inner weirdo nature of my location
  • I could tell anonymous frat girls that I liked them, because it was in the lyrics.
  • No, it did not get me laid
  • Neither did getting messed up from Budweiser, FWIW, although I sure felt cool.
Read more "Frat Party Flashback"

Get a Date, Don’t Be Late

Chicks will totally put out on a mercy date, right?
I’d like to thank the Academy…
  • Tickets to Founders Day Banquet: $20
  • Ride with some goof named Al: Free
  • Getting a semi-hot date you have absolutely no chance of scoring with 40 minutes before the party starts?: $20 (for the tickets, dipshit). You can get shot down for free anytime you want, and pretty much every time you don’t want.
  • Cheesy award from Scott (which you keep for 25 years) because you at least didn’t go stag, thereby beating the over/under : Obviously priceless.

The pic is from a different banquet, although the girl in the red dress could very well have been my pity date from the award. ^^

Ruth, Pickles, Sue Z, Cripley, Leah, Gingerman
Doesn’t this look worth it?
Read more "Get a Date, Don’t Be Late"

Good Night, Sweet Prince

“Now cracks a noble oil pan heart. Good-night sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to the junk yard thy rest.” – Horatio Caine on Mel Gibson (Hamlet, act V, scene ii) It was 20 years ago today (give or take) that the 1976 Mercury Marquis bit it. Phi Sigma Kappa from CMU came […]

Read more "Good Night, Sweet Prince"

It was the 80s

that is the only plausible excuse…for the hair, the clothes, the Frito Lay Picante sauce.

Uh, OK, but won’t 8 Barrel be jealous?

If you ever denied hooking up with frat groupies “little sisters” (ones best known for advertising for banquet dates), well, here is your proof that she existed. However, this picture must be a fake – no one could afford Michelob at the Phi Sig house.

How to tell you drink too much beer:

  1. You can tell it’s a Michelob from seeing just the top 1″ of a bottle.
  2. You missed giant blue thought bubbles and thus failed to get laid. Again.
  3. She’s mistaken that big bottle of Michelob for your Johnson.  Or perhaps you have.
Read more "It was the 80s"