Messenger Puppet

A million years ago in Denver, I was involved in pedicle screw/spinal fusion surgery lawsuits.  There was a plaintiff named Johnny Lee.  His complaint was this:

Before surgery: boinked his wife 6-10 times a week; interactions were typically 90-120 minutes.

After surgery:  boinked his wife 4-7 times a week; interactions were typically 30-45 minutes. (This dropoff happened after surgery @ about 15 years of marriage)

I scoffed at the time.  Bull fucking shit. Frequency and amplitude were both obviously wild exaggerations.  (I had been married for 5 years at that point and had my own data set.)  I figured that he was just to proud to admit that he desperately wanted Pfizer to invent Viagra.  But (basically), for purposes of civil damages, you’re still getting laid dude – what are your damages?  If you’re lying about sleeping with your wife, you have to sleep with that lie.  We’re not paying.

Nothing in the next 8 years of marriage disabused me of my skepticism.

Then I got divorced.

After wandering in the Arctic tundra, and then the post apocalyptic barren wastelands for a while, I discovered oases that were not mirages.  I have subsequently supplemented my data set, reanalyzed my data, rejected my initial conclusion and revised my theory.  So, yay science.  I can tell you that applying the scientific method to this case study was much more satisfying than simply saying “because God made it that way.”

So there you go.

Go Fuck Yourself.

xxoo (to Bill Callahan, and that Solich guy only)

65-51
62-36

Pretty please?

Country roads,

take me home.

Right this MF-ing second

State House Transportation Committee Chairman Buffie McFadyen (D-Pueblo West): I am a fucking idiot.

Colorado: Legislators Eye Millions in Speeding Ticket Revenue

Doubled fines and freeway speed cameras could help balance the Colorado state budget because politicians lack the balls to do their jobs.

State House Transportation Committee Chairman Buffie McFadyen (D-Pueblo West) introduced the [increased] fine legislation as well as a second measure that would make “work zone” speed traps mandatory. Under the proposal, photo radar would generate automated citations from speeding drivers and a “move over” provision would be used to cite the motorists who are not speeding. McFadyen is using the tragic death of freeway worker Charles Mather to promote the concept of lowering speed limits and doubling fines in anything designated as a work zone up to four hours before any actual road work is done. The mandatory traps would be put in place no matter how minor the work and regardless of whether it involved any potential hazards or not. The law even allows warning signs to be posted on moving vehicles to create a roving zone with the enhanced penalties.

Thanks for not speeding. Here’s your ticket anyway. The workers whose safety we have ensured due to the fact that they are not actually here thank you as well.

Colorado used to be such a nice laid back place. Where the hell is Roddy Piper to put an end to this bullshit?

EDSBS » Archive » CU BUFF APOLOGIZES FOR THUGGISH RUGGISH STYLE

It’s never too early…

Nebraska names Pelini new head coach

LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) — Bo Pelini is the new coach at Nebraska, leaving the defensive coordinator post at LSU for a job many Cornhusker fans thought he should have been given four years ago.

Interim athletic director and former coach Tom Osborne announced Pelini’s hiring Sunday, after introducing him to the players.

62-36. 65-51. Get used to it. Bitch.

(Also, Independence Bowl. Shitty, but more than you got going this season.)

1. Priuses suck gas like you wouldn’t believe. I had the GF’s car to use for the long weekend. Saturday I fill it up. 8 bars on the gas gauge. 1 80 mile trip to the airport, a 30 mile trip to the kid’s house and a 20 mile trip to the airport later and it is down to 3 bars. WTF? That would be < 1/2 a tank in my car, and it IS a pig.
2. So long Bill Callahan. Buffs beat down the huskers. “Interim” AD “Dr.” Tom Osborne is so incensed that Callahan lost to a team he refused to concede was even a rival to NU that he fires the dude before Bugs Bunny cartoons even started on Saturday morning.
3. TiVo. I finally have it. No more Cox HD DVR. No more QWEST “Well it takes one box for your regular cable and DSL, and another box for your HD, but we don’t have a DVR and that HD TiVo you bought won’t work with our stuff anyway.”
4. Thanksgiving = hot wings. Screw Turkey.
5. Level 47 on Warcraft. This is what geeks do when GFs are out of town.
6. Had tickets to 49ers @ Cards. I was a no show in favor of setting up TiVo and home networks and all that. So, what do the Cards do because I wasn’t there? Open the roof. Fuckers.
7. To recap: Buffs rock. Lions, Cards and Broncos can all kiss my ass.

Bill Calahan Farewell Tour Closes Embarrassingly (Yet Again)

BOULDER, Colo. (AP) -All eyes in Nebraska now look toward Tom Osborne’s office – to see if Bill Callahan could possibly emerge from his upcoming meeting with Nebraska’s athletic director with his job still in hand.

If he does, it would be an even bigger shock than what Nebraska fans have witnessed this season – the unseemly disintegration of a program that no longer resembles Big Red .

The final chapter was written Friday when Callahan, with one last chance to make a good impression, instead suffered another loss by a video game score – 65-51 to Colorado, which now has a shot at a bowl bid that could have gone to the Cornhuskers.

”Am I shocked? I’m definitely shocked,” defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh said when asked how he felt looking at the scoreboard and seeing another big, ugly number up there.

The nation would be laughing at NU, if it weren’t so disinterested in irrelevant programs

Go fuck yourself.

Signed,

Everyone else

”When your foot is on that jugular, you have to kill that fool,” Buckeyes offensive tackle Kirk Barton said. ”You don’t just back off, let him stand up and punch you a couple of times and then knock him back down.”

Buckeyes fail to step on their own dicks, win.

Colorado, on the other hand, has no problem stepping on their own.

Yay, Big 10: Minny? WTF?

OTOH, it’s just like 1983

Except for:

1. not in Ann Arbor
2. bigger TV (same, mostly fuzzy picture)
3. much less beer
4. no 8 Barrel
5. Oh yeah, the result was different. Yay.