Madonna: Come away for the weekend. You can see Hillsdale College and all the places I fucked Stevens, my English professor, once he stole my innocence. Me: Yay. Overnight means maybe second base! Karma: You can always dream! Madonna: You can actually meet him in his shitty little apartment over a garage. Me: oooo, impressive […]
Some weeks in Phoenix make you want to gouge your eyes out with forks. Today’s villain: the 1978 Oldsmobile Cutlass Salon. GM’s answer to the age old question: how much DO we hate our dealers? The good news is that they only produced about 17 of them before switching to the tolerable, conventional-looking notchback sedan. […]
It’s a slow, gloomy Tuesday commute, when out of nowhere, this cream-colored nightmare comes storming into view.
Not only is it exhibit A in how to take America’s most successful car of the day, the ‘77 Cutlass, make it smaller (good), even less powerful (bad), and less aggressive, by halving the number of lights (emasculatingly bad). Then, for ’79, change the grille to make it even uglier. (Two fat sections per side instead of three more slender ones.) Read More
Another day, another dude freaking out in the tunnel of love scratched paint and clean whitewalls. Supposedly, it’s over glasses. In my experience, dark, noise, meth withdrawal, DTs or the cocaine OD death of Kevin DuBrow are all just as likely.
Nostalgia factor: 1/10 Overrated at this level, but you can plant a crate motor in one. that has to be worth something. Plus, white bucket seats, man.
Baseline: 0, since it wasn’t mine. +1 for V-8, -1 for not being a 455, +1 for coupe and not a 4 door or wagon, -1 for not a convertible, -1 for my sister owned it, not me, +1 for white seats, -1 for light green paint, +1 for not being orange, +1 for bitchin’ wheels, -1 for spark plugs that wouldn’t come out, -1 for hood that bent at the hinge, -1 for I can’t do math, -1 for not getting this post up on Thursday, +1 for best selling car at the time so there should be one I can pick up, +3 for Car and Driver magazine bullshit factor so as to create the result we want.