Tag Archives : One Big Happy

Adventures in Bitchcraft

Friday, December 07, 2012 5:40 PM I need a receipt (not a copy of your check, a receipt from the school showing the charges) for the “required” fees for marching band. [Translation:  You’re a “liar.”] I will only be paying for the required marching band classes.  Winter guard is not required for P.E. credit (I checked with the school and…

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Oh good lord, what now?

Don’t ever get married with children because divorce is completely fucked up, volume 999 August Ex: I want another day, so I can have 8 hours (Weds. and another) with my kid during the week and 7 on the weekend. But not Fridays.  Or Saturdays. Me:  OK – you’re mom after all.  That works out to 55 days a year…

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Whoops, Your Fault

Eight and a half years ago, I started this den of loons.  I had had web pages over the years before, but there was this new, stupidly named thing called a blog, and I thought, “what the fuck?”  I needed a place to dump my brain.  I needed a place with more permanence than Facebook and other yet-to-be-invented bullshit. And,…

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F*** you, Man

Sorry. No names, to protect my ass from getting sanctioned. It goes a little bit like this: August 2005: Me: This “marriage” is a fail.  Sorry.  So long and thanks for all the fish. Her: I’ll take the kids and your check. You keep the house because it costs more.  You keep the critters, because they cost more.  And require…

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Life imitates… life?

A million years ago, my Hyundai was a piece of shit, and the wife wanted a minivan.  A $27,000 7 passenger minivan.  Why that one?  Because the second row had built in booster seats.  Any van could have managed the soccer mom, grocery getter jobs, but we needed a palatial stretch with painted bumpers and a useless spoiler in order…

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Blow shit up

Destruct sequence 1, code 1, 1A Destruct sequence 2, code 1, 1A, 2B Destruct sequence 3, code 1B, 2B, 3 Code 0 0 0, destruct 0 The first four texts when the ban went to the honor system.  Evidently.

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I’ll take collossal mistakes for $27,000

2000 Wife:  I hate this car – it’s old. Wife:  We could get a minivan. Wife: Here’s a minivan with built in booster seats so Kid # 2 doesn’t inconvenience us with moving the booster from one car to the other. It’s only $10,000 more than the base model and only $15,000 more than a year old used one. Car…

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