Friday, December 07, 2012 5:40 PM I need a receipt (not a copy of your check, a receipt from the school showing the charges) for the “required” fees for marching band. [Translation: You’re a “liar.”] I will only be paying for the required marching band classes. Winter guard is not required for P.E. credit (I […]
Don’t ever get married with children because divorce is completely fucked up, volume 999 August Ex: I want another day, so I can have 8 hours (Weds. and another) with my kid during the week and 7 on the weekend. But not Fridays. Or Saturdays. Me: OK – you’re mom after all. That works out […]
Eight and a half years ago, I started this den of loons. I had had web pages over the years before, but there was this new, stupidly named thing called a blog, and I thought, “what the fuck?” I needed a place to dump my brain. I needed a place with more permanence than Facebook […]
Sorry. No names, to protect my ass from getting sanctioned. It goes a little bit like this: August 2005: Me: This “marriage” is a fail. Sorry. So long and thanks for all the fish. Her: I’ll take the kids and your check. You keep the house because it costs more. You keep the critters, because […]
A million years ago, my Hyundai was a piece of shit, and the wife wanted a minivan. A $27,000 7 passenger minivan. Why that one? Because the second row had built in booster seats. Any van could have managed the soccer mom, grocery getter jobs, but we needed a palatial stretch with painted bumpers and a useless spoiler in order to get the bucket seats that folded down into boosters, so that kid 2 didn’t need a separate booster seat.
(Yes, I went along with this bullshit. Mea culpa. I didn’t do the math and I hoped to get laid out of the deal.
Wife: I hate this car – it’s old. Wife: We could get a minivan. Wife: Here’s a minivan with built in booster seats so Kid # 2 doesn’t inconvenience us with moving the booster from one car to the other. It’s only $10,000 more than the base model and only $15,000 more than a year old used one. Car Salesman: You can lease it for three years @ $479 a month! Wife: Yay! Me: *maybe I’ll get laid out of this*