Friday, December 07, 2012 5:40 PM I need a receipt (not a copy of your check, a receipt from the school showing the charges) for the “required” fees for marching band. [Translation: You’re a “liar.”] I will only be paying for the required marching band classes. Winter guard is not required for P.E. credit (I […]Read more "Adventures in Bitchcraft"
Don’t ever get married with children because divorce is completely fucked up, volume 999 August Ex: I want another day, so I can have 8 hours (Weds. and another) with my kid during the week and 7 on the weekend. But not Fridays. Or Saturdays. Me: OK – you’re mom after all. That works out […]Read more "Oh good lord, what now?"
Eight and a half years ago, I started this den of loons. I had had web pages over the years before, but there was this new, stupidly named thing called a blog, and I thought, “what the fuck?” I needed a place to dump my brain. I needed a place with more permanence than Facebook […]Read more "Whoops, Your Fault"
Sorry. No names, to protect my ass from getting sanctioned. It goes a little bit like this: August 2005: Me: This “marriage” is a fail. Sorry. So long and thanks for all the fish. Her: I’ll take the kids and your check. You keep the house because it costs more. You keep the critters, because […]Read more "F*** you, Man"
A million years ago, my Hyundai was a piece of shit, and the wife wanted a minivan. A $27,000 7 passenger minivan. Why that one? Because the second row had built in booster seats. Any van could have managed the soccer mom, grocery getter jobs, but we needed a palatial stretch with painted bumpers and a useless spoiler in order to get the bucket seats that folded down into boosters, so that kid 2 didn’t need a separate booster seat.
(Yes, I went along with this bullshit. Mea culpa. I didn’t do the math and I hoped to get laid out of the deal.
Karma: What a shock.
Or at least rank higher than the kids.) Read More
Destruct sequence 1, code 1, 1A Destruct sequence 2, code 1, 1A, 2B Destruct sequence 3, code 1B, 2B, 3 Code 0 0 0, destruct 0 The first four texts when the ban went to the honor system. Evidently.Read more "Blow shit up"
Wife: I hate this car – it’s old.
Wife: We could get a minivan.
Wife: Here’s a minivan with built in booster seats so Kid # 2 doesn’t inconvenience us with moving the booster from one car to the other. It’s only $10,000 more than the base model and only $15,000 more than a year old used one.
Car Salesman: You can lease it for three years @ $479 a month!
Me: *maybe I’ll get laid out of this*
Pops remains proud.
Somewhere around 1970.Read more "1968 Chevrolet Impala"
What the hell was wrong with us in the 70s?
- Ford Falcon chassis (basically) – is this what the Mustang would have become, if it didn’t turn into a Pinto?
- 250 OHV I-6 from a John Deere
- It had a 4 speed stick (unless it was a 3)
- Was unable to handle golf balls from, uh, space, without dimpling its trunk.