- I don’t have this car anymore.
- I went to bandaids just that one time.
- Yes, when I get VIP parking, it’s because the strippers feel like they owe me something extra at the end of the night, but that refers to what happens in the car, not where I parked it. This is day time.
- No, not the morning after the night before.
- I promised you could come with the next time.
- (Yes, I meant that as a double entendre.)
In the little blue pill corner, the Dodge Viper GTSRead more "Penis Wars in Scottsdale"
Wife: I hate this car – it’s old.
Wife: We could get a minivan.
Wife: Here’s a minivan with built in booster seats so Kid # 2 doesn’t inconvenience us with moving the booster from one car to the other. It’s only $10,000 more than the base model and only $15,000 more than a year old used one.
Car Salesman: You can lease it for three years @ $479 a month!
Me: *maybe I’ll get laid out of this*
It’s a Ram – She likes it rough, horny and goat smelling No truck balls – She wears the pants and the strap on. No rear window – who gives a shit. She imagines what she can see from her windows already. Why cloud that picture with facts? Wonder why the license is on the […]Read more "Sarah Palin’s America"
Whitewalls and wheel covers say “no, more like city engineer. From 1988.” While this is the best Aspen (nee Valiant) ever, that is like saying a Monarch is the best Ford Falcon, or Olympia beer is the best pre-urine ever.Read more "Cop or Not"
Jewel Osco never looked betterRead more "Mall rats"
…and it shows. Your rolling creamsicle ads come in lots of different flavors Possibly the flavor is Sour Apple Black and topless like hookers named Apple The color of 8 barrel air cleaners Him: Reddened, like it’s engorged. Her: Stop looking at my boobs or I will take this microphone and Casino Royale your personal […]Read more "You are in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history…"
This does not quite rise to the level of an Acid Flashback, since my only connection to one was that for a short time, a sometimes asshole manager at the BK lounge (not one of these guys) drove a red one somewhere around this vintage. Mostly, the point is “Hey look, an old car in Phoenix – we’re like an updated version of Cuba!”Read more "1973 Dodge Charger"
Yeah, I know – it says “Charger.” Look closer. the buttresses and side windows look like ’60s Chrysler. Amber turn signals before the 80s? (The Granada versions in the 70s were fakes) No outside mirror? Inside mirror pointed to the right? I believe we have an Aussie in our midst, the Charger 770. Smelling the […]Read more "Name that Car"