Messenger Puppet

How to say “my penis is small and ineffectual” without driving a beet red Viper or a 4″ lifted diesel F350 with a train horn.  (Ed.: The parking says it, not the car.) This Is Why People Think Lotus Drivers Are Asshats.

Are you fucking kidding me?  $35?  PER PERSON?  Last year it was free (except for the part where I skipped a $250 BMG show to go to your “VIP” Offspring concert).  Last year, I got to go on Tuesday.  Last year as a condition of free attendance, I had to work.  This year, I have [...]

Her:  I have a money order issued by Wells Fargo bank Me:  Let’s take it to Wells Fargo Bank to be cashed. Her:  It was purchased in another state Me:  Wells Fargo is a National Association 10 minutes waiting in line later.. Her:  Hi Wells Fargo Bank, issuer of this money order.  Please cash it. [...]

A post about mutants triggers the Newsmax Is Sarah Palin a savant? push poll in unrelated stories, the secretary who does NOT work for me (she works for Manny) is showing about 90% more cleavage than usual, and there is a an appointment downstairs who is “dumb, dizty,  and hot! A man’s dream come true!” [...]

Camelback Ford says: Camelback Ford Lincoln Mercury in Phoenix, AZ  treats the needs of each individual customer with paramount concern. We know that you have high expectations, and as a car dealer we enjoy the challenge of meeting and exceeding those standards each and every time. Allow us to demonstrate our commitment to excellence! Our [...]

Mr. Isuzu Amigo, the fine condition of your car reflects your destiny as a traffic fatality.  Just sayin’.

Dear Michael Bidwill: Grow a pair, would you?  U2 gets an open roof in October, but the Cardinals are too big of pussies to do the same?  Fuck you.  I paid extra for the hole – I expect to be able to use it. FOAD Me. P.S.  Yes, “Fuck you.  I paid extra for the [...]

Jury is out.  One thing that doesn’t suck  on Verizon Wireless (apart from paying for it)?  Rhapsody. Almost unlimited music on my phone for $15/month.  Weirdest shit ever, and I don’t have to pay extra or pay for stuff that sucks.  The only other charge is burning it to CD, but the pretend my phone [...]

8/07: 2 year renewal @120 a month.  175 per line to terminate (reduced by $5 a month). Straightforward enough.  My advantage to cancel the whole plan through about month 20.  Break even point (cancel/keep paying) on individual $10 added lines is about month 14. 8/08: Dear customer.  We would like to give you 500 minutes [...]