Tag: George Lucas

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The vexing thing about OCD levels of continuity between trilogies is the same vexing thing about writing about the OCD levels of continuity between trilogies.  We last left The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey with a couple of wizards a fairy prince Elven King and his domanatrix superior in the elf world sitting around the table getting stoned and making up celebrity predictions controlling middle earth like a 4-headed Sauron (sans jewelry).

What we left out:

  • the sword found by the brown wizard was not just a morgul blade (like the one that pokes Frodo in about 60 years), these guys can tell instantly that it belongs to the “Witch King of Angmar.”  It must, because that guy is in the earlier later movies.
  • Gandalf: “Hello Elrond.  Except i must call you ‘mellon,’ the elven word for friend because that was in FOTR at the door to Moria.”
  • Oh Moria.  Yes, we have to give a back story on why the FOTR found all the dead elves and a bunch of Orc squatters.  Because irrelevant filler.
  • Maybe what happened is that Peter Jackson was on a leash for LOTR.  A long one to be sure, but at some point they said “Enough!” to all the gratuitous details.  Now that LOTR is a $3 billion franchise (plus merchandise and theme parks and arena football teams), the studio has probably decided that maybe the kid is on to something and they should just let him do his thing his way.

Some other thoughts:

  • Ambivalence about the title.  Less fucked up and stupid about naming than calling movies 1-6 “Episodes” IV, V, VI, I, II, III.

Star Wars 2 II was stupid.

Nuh-uh. Star Wars 2 was the best in the series because Lucas did not write or direct.

Wait.  Which one are we talking about?

  • More ambivalence. LOTR: FOTR, TTT, ROTK, TH:AUJ, TDOS, xxxx.  This naming convention works for Star Trek (TOS, TNG, DS9) but it’s still ham handed.
  • In both cases, I am grateful that they figured it out at the beginning.  That way we don’t have to suffer Lucas-sized revisions that include the title (Raiders of the Lost Ark being later retitled Indiana Jones and the________; Star Wars being retitled Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope).  Goddamn heretic George Lucas.
  • In that vein, at least if we MUST tie Hobbit and LOTR together at every opportunity, it’s done.  We won’t have to suffer movies that change entire scenes (HAN SHOT FIRST) in later versions while they’re cleaning up some plot details.
  • And finally, there won’t be gratuitous re-releases where they reinsert deleted scenes (Jabba personally telling Solo on-screen what Greedo already told him in the bar) because there literally will be zero deleted scenes.  There is the theater version and the there will be that and the extended version on DVD (why else were there 37 different spots to end ROTK (the 45 minutes after “You bow to no one”)?  Because Peter Jackson saves everything.

I don’t need to see more Vaderbot.
This is the story I was looking for
I can go about my business of seeing it repeatedly and geeking out over merchandise
Move along


Dear Emperor George-atine:

If it’s Sunday, it must be time to pay to see Star Wars just to pimp your enormous, wrinkly, lightning bolt-powered ego.

In a word: loved it.

OK, that’s two, but in your universe, it counts as one, dammit.  Here are my bitch points –


1 – Dooku gets the Highlander treatment? Not much of a stand for your Jedi principles there Ani boy.

2 – WTF is with all the amputations, by the way.

3 – Real scenery would have been nice

4 – Continuity was a little heavy handed. I dunno if young Captain Antilles really needed to show up on the same ship used in #1/IV. Does no one trade in their old ships in space? Does no one move up?

Young Tarkin? At least he is on another ship.

Leia music and Luke music? *rolleyes*

Thankfully, Jimmy Smits said *I’m keeeping the robots* and ordered 3PO’s memory wiped, which skirted one big ass plot hole.

5 – The death star? WTF? It takes 20 years to complete the first one, since we only see part of the skeleton in Revenge of the Sith. How come bigger, better Death Star II (electric boogaloo) gets built so fast between IV and VI?

*scratches head*

6 – Anakin gives in to the emperor pretty quick. BTW, a c-section would have solved all of this *my wife will die on childbirth so I need to turn to the dark side to kick my super powers up a notch* business. Wouldn’t it?Are there no OB/GYN’s in space?

“Sorry people, Darth Vader is going to kick your ass for the next 26 years because Padme’s HMO REALLY fucked up with the ‘not medically necessary'” bullshit.

7 – Who put Anakin out after he burst into flames? What happened to his arm and legs, which were gone by the time the Emperor showed up?

8 – Do these fools have air conditioned robes or something? You’re on a lava planet – take off the sweater.

9 – The Anakin-bot building is rushed. Building the 6 million dollar man takes some planning – take your time showing it. Also, why not put out the fire and get him out of the cinders before major Steve Austin treatment. If he needs a breathing apparatus in the suit, why not on while on the table.

9a. – Who puts their new robot boy into full dress badass uniform complete with cloak, while he is bolted to the table. Also, bolted to the table? Say what?

10- Star Wars geeks are creepy. People were getting all wiggly in their seat when R2 and Yada first showed up.

Really, that’s about it.

I LOVED the Vader learning the wife is dead scene. Almost made up for minimal screen time for the Vaderbot.

I rank this # 2 of 6

  1. Empire
  2. Sith
  3. Star Wars
  4. Jedi
  5. Clones
  6. Menace

With that said, oh dark lord of the Cineplex, if you stop fucking around with the original 3, I will personally kiss your ass. Do not screw with this one, either, although add deleted scenes if they have Vader the blackhearted in them.

OTOH, whatever you can do to Menace and Clones *TO IMPROVE THEM* is OK. Including starting over from scratch.


Darth Sock

P.S. Purp liked it, too.

SO, I rented the first Star Wars (now called Episode IV in its title) which just came out on DVD.  (It was sorta hard to resist the *buy it now* ad campaign, so I compromised)  I always thought it was great 27 years ago at the Beacon theater.  What a bonding experience to have with the Bear, who is about at the age to maybe enjoy it.

The tweaks for the 20th anniversary were stupid but mostly innocuous.  The latest DVD is worse.  It seems like things have been re-edited, especially the last fight sequence – not simple inserts of crap, but a reordering.  the final battle is now linear and boring, where before it seemed wonderfully chaotic.

Or maybe my job of taking isolated facts and distilling a coherent story makes me incapable of still enjoying the frenetic seemingly convoluted pace for what it is (or seemingly was).

Anyway, all of the extra footage is unhelpful at best.  I like (as a monument to ego and abject stupidity) the extra scene where computer-generated Jabba has the same conversation with Han that Greedo had in the earlier cantina scene .  I also like the fact that Greedo is in the added (*restored*) scene, which, in story time, occurs minutes AFTER Greedo was shot. Way to fight the pain, dude.

Finally, WTF is with manipulating the special effects so that Greedo shoots first.  I always like the “Oh, you’re going to shoot ME now?”  Blam.  “Guess not”  And WTF?  The giant worm will send an assassin to kill you, but get in a room with the worm AND the assassin and he’ll let you off with a verbal promise to pay at some indeterminate point in the future?  Please.  I wish my credit card company worked like that (the taking a promise to pay instead of $$ part).

Anyway, this rant about the 1997 tweaks says it better than I feel like doing.

Now playing: Genesis – Throwing It All Away

Now playing: Guns N’ Roses – Civil War

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