Messenger Puppet

MCSO has a fleet of luxury SUVs.  Dave Hendershott works for MCSO.  You do the math via Pig-Napped: “Porkchop” Stolen by Lady in SUV; There’s a Reward – Phoenix News – Valley Fever.

The George W. Bush MBA school of retail: CVS:  Here’s a coupon for a $25 gift card when you transfer or bring in a new prescription. Later… Karma:  Here is a crippling headache cluster, like that person from “The Fury” (Not THAT Fury) whose head exploded. Dr. Wikipedia:  *googles “OMFG it hurts, but only at [...]

Karma:  Just wait, pretty boy

Service to our favorite strip club that is. Neither of us gives a shit that you took a cab home. Your Cordoba is soiling our parking lot with its ugliness. That ends now.

The world’s coolest golf cart. 3rd St and Palm, 5:18 p.m. today. 5 minutes earlier, I got a “your batteries are low” message, so I did not have it on and ready to fire.  Of course NOW, the error message is gone. [Ed.: IRONY WIN!!!]

Me:  I would like some insurance that is better than “pay a million dollars and get no coverage”*  (the utter bullshit George Bush health savings account I currently have) MMJ HR:  Okely dokely Me:  La la la, life is good. Later MMJ HR:  Guess what?  Your individual  insurance is not close to affordable for you.  [...]

A million years ago in Denver, I was involved in pedicle screw/spinal fusion surgery lawsuits.  There was a plaintiff named Johnny Lee.  His complaint was this: Before surgery: boinked his wife 6-10 times a week; interactions were typically 90-120 minutes. After surgery:  boinked his wife 4-7 times a week; interactions were typically 30-45 minutes. (This [...]

Door #1 2006 Rock:  Hi mustang.  Let me chip your windshield. Geico:  A Lizard Caveman cocktail will fix it nicely.  No deductible. Me:  Yay. Fastforward to 2010 Rock:  Fuck you xoxBox windshield. Die from a puny chip to the sweet spot. Geico:  Hah!  no coverage for you, dancer boy. Me:  huh?  WTF? Geico:  We don’t [...]

Like all good future  scout teamers and career backups, it is important for Timmy to know the protocols of the inevitable felonious shenanigans to relieve the enormous pressures of holding a clipboard