10 years ago, +/- a few minutes, my wife wondered out loud in bed whether we should get a divorce. I said yes, relieved that she was thinking what I had thought for a while. That was all I needed – to not be the bastard imposing this change on her. Now it was “our” idea, not just mine.
Sorry, kids. Mom and Dad need to be shortsighted and selfish for a while.
and life on earth (or maybe not, not that I read the lyrics)
That’s it. Goddammit, that’s it. NO ONE does that. Says that. Thinks that. And remains.
The War Council is disbanded. – Me, after a frank and refreshing talk with the ex-Mrs.
Your kid needs to print something on Sunday night at 8. Your printer is out of ink. Replacement ink costs about $75. Staples has your ink. Staples is closed. Best Buy probably has your ink. Best Buy is definitely closed. Target is open, but doesn’t have your ink. Target does sell printers that come with ink for $60 or less.
- wait until tomorrow when Staples/Best Buy opens. Sorry kid, print it out at school this time, even though you don’t have time.
- sorry kid. You’re just SOL so I can teach you a life lesson in a particularly cruel and dickish fashion.
- buy a new printer (with cheaper replacement ink down the road ink)
Continue reading “Solve this dilemma”
The important thing to remember about ex-wives is that you divorced their ass for a reason. By all means be civil, but that new her is still based on the old her. Don’t be fooled by the attractive package. – Me, after a surprisingly cordial crossing of paths.
UPDATE: It’s worth it to have an actual two sided conversation. There is much to learn, genius boy. Perhaps one listened to bad advice instead of opening a dialog. Perhaps one should have gone with one’s gut, rather than the reflex of the war council.
No, this is not a Weird Al spoof of a forgettable Motley Crue song. I’m in a quandary. Winston Smith is dead. No, it wasn’t from the rat.
Anyhoo, he left cookies – an open bag. Is it wrong to eat one? The cookies don’t have a soul, right? An open back is nearly valueless, yes?
These are the questions I struggle with, to avoid real questions like who goes to the thing, what now with the kid and do I deliver what I wrote.
a breakfast treat at Safeway or a horrible (yet hilarious in the the Safeway check out line) exotic male affliction.
Like last week, driving the kid to school is an adventure in poltergeists. This time, we hop in the car and this
starts playing. Immediately. Spontaneously, on my phone. On Pandora. In my pocket.
Is it an electronic glitch related to Kid 2’s failing phone?
Is my phone possessed?
Since it only happens in the car, is my Car possessed?
Based on the nature of the songs, I am leaning toward the latter. I think the car is trying to get things synced before going full on Christine on me.
I am kid 2 us driving to school. We stop at the Kwik-E-Mart for a beverage and some cash. We hop back in the car. As the car starts, from somewhere, the first few bars of this…
start blasting. However, the radio is off (because: kid driving). WTH? Where’s that music from?
Kid 2: Dad, that’s you.
Yep. It’s me. Pandora is playing. In my pants.
Karma: Only because that is where the phone is.
I didn’t ask it (her?) to. I hit a button that should not make the app stop, but it did. (Usually, you have to navigate to a secret screen to get Pandora to STFU – it’s never this easy).
So, I am at a loss. Is it an impossible pocket dial? A poltergeist? The
Thought Police NSA being cute?
Winston Smith: [observing the Prole woman from their hideaway] The future is hers… we are the dead…
Julia: We are the dead…
Big Brother: [voice] YOU ARE THE DEAD!
Was it Oprah, being all Dr. Phil about my life?