Nostalgia factor: 3/10 – Ahh, memories – mostly not mine.
Baseline: 0, since I never personally owned one. +1 because mom had one, +1 because that one was a crazy moonwagon instead of an ordinary hatchback, -1 because it didn’t have a radio – stupid Honda made you choose from dealer installed extra cost radios and mom simply wouldn’t fork over an extra dime, +1 because I stole borrowed it to visit Madonna while mom was away, +1 because it led to a Wixom sexathon, +1 because for 20 years, including my entire marriage, banging her was the best sex ever, Read More
Madonna: Come away for the weekend. You can see Hillsdale College and all the places I fucked Stevens, my English professor, once he stole my innocence. Me: Yay. Overnight means maybe second base! Karma: You can always dream! Madonna: You can actually meet him in his shitty little apartment over a garage. Me: oooo, impressive […]
missing Phid’s bachelor party. Q: What is coming to this dive with Madonna for bible reading, Scientology auditing 401K seminar late one night when she drops into town unannounced? HOLIDAY MOTEL – Your home for make up/first time/finally after six months of trying nookie. P.S. I am sorry I missed the party. Still. P.P.S. My […]
Cracker and pops, switching out the Zephyr for a different piece of shit. Actually, this was a pretty good car, except that it freaked out at highway speeds. Madonna had to come pick me up one sexathon weekend, somewhere north of Ann Arbor, because it just refused to go faster than 55 – as if it had a governor. Read More
Nostalgia factor: 3/10 – Ahh, memories – mostly not mine.
Baseline: 0, since I never personally owned one. +1 because mom had one, +1 because that one was a crazy moonwagon, -1 because it didn’t have a radio – stupid Honda made you choose from dealer installed extra cost radios, +1 because I stole borrowed it to visit Madonna, +1 because it led to a sexathon, +1 because we until this year, it was the best sex ever, -1 because it was not actually in this car, +1 because I wasn’t driving it when we went to Jonathan B. pub for drinks, -1 for getting in my way when my bike fell over,-1 for denting like a little bitch, -1 for Cracker inheriting it and beating the shit out of it, +1 because there was this night in 1983 when I went to Jody #2‘s place for late Friday Night Videos and almost sex, and a brand new ’84 was in the driveway next to hers. I was freaked, because they were all like weird looking and shit, compared to Escorts and Colts and shit piles like that, +1 because it could hum along at 80 with no drama, unlike the ’78 Camaro in Car and Driver (which overheated at that speed) or Ribble’s Subaru (which had a seizure and died).
This is about things that fuck with your head. I mean mine. don’t read this either… Ok, for a while, I was getting my ass kicked by ghosts in the machine or three dimensional reminders of days past, and it was really starting to drag on me. No more. That experience, glorious as it was, […]
STUPID DRUNKEN THINGS NOT TO DO Drive from Daytona to the gator farm in St. Augustine at ludicrous speed. When it’s time to pass the geezers, drive in the oncoming lane, while 8 Barrel and Phid, driving behind you, pass the same car at the same time, on opposite sides. (Mustang GTs can go off-roading, […]
