Messenger Puppet

Captain’s Log, stardate 2821.5. En route to Makus III, with a cargo of medical supplies. Our course leads us past Murasaki 312, a quasar-like formation. Vague… undefined. A priceless opportunity for scientific investigation. On board is Galactic High Commissioner Ferris, overseeing the delivery of the medicines to Makus III.

A shuttle to investigate "all quasars and quasar-like phenomena" has an emergency landing on Taurus II, a lone planet at the heart of Murasaki 312.

Where the white women - I mean the quasars and quasar-like phenomena- at

Admiral// there be monsters here

Gotta feel for my automobile

Why do you want to race me Mr. Red Volvo 740?

Not everyone agrees. (They drove the lame automatic.)

Believe what you see

We are
We are the shaken
We are the monsters
Underneath your bed
Yeah
Believe what you read
We are
We are mistaken
We are the voices
Inside your head
Yeah
Believe what you see

it looks like a cross from some cult megachurch like Cornerstone or CCV.  Up close, not so much.

Feel free to tithe

Headed for DTW or trouble in Illinois

With it’s spaceship-like good looks, and bench seats, this is the perfect van for your clan of homeschooled robot children.  Or jackbooted thugs campaign workers and “government contractors.”

- Actual Dodge ad.

Why talk about this shitbox?  I saw four – FOUR – of these before lunch today, and the one pictured is a clone of the one pops picked out.

What Rocked:

• A road trip to Bloomington/Normal, Illinois to watch Bob Perryman eat a fist on TV with 8 Barrel, Phid and Bagman.  Plenty of room for screaming loons.  Privacy glass for Bagman in the back to flip off the cops.
• Fills in admirably when your Marquis eats a Buick Century and needs its eyelids removed.
• Madonna.  Van.  Fetzer Center parking lot at night.
• Gas was $1 +/-.

What Sucked Ass:

• The actual drive to Bloomington Normal Illinois.  Flatter than Nebraska, but with less to see.
• Madonna.  Van.  Fetzer Center parking lot at night. No nookie. No anything.
• It’s 1985.  Dad is now single(again).  Divorced his crazy, bitchy 2nd wife and said good bye to his prissy little pussy whipped house in the sticks.  Plus, it’s been a couple years since he bought his S-10 and Z-7, so it’s time for a new car.  Time to party, you stud!  But no. No Corvette.  No Mark VII LSC.  No Thunderbird even.  No, Dad has to buy a van.  A fucking van.  Idiot.

Why a Van, Pops?

Because Buzzkill is getting married, and we will need to drive a bunch of guests around for a week.

• Dear Dad
  Hertz rents vans.
  Your son

• The truck got used to drive my grandparents to Detroit to meet the future in-laws.  The future in-laws  promptly rented their own cars, so they could do their own stuff, like any sane people, or anyone who wasn’t asked whether they wanted to be carted around all week.
• Buzzkill-like proliferation – THESE VANS ARE EVERYWHERE.  The evidence.

1. Buzzkill drives a 15 passenger version.  One person has to ride on the roof.
2. Exhibit 2.  They are spies, lurking in shadow.  Watching.  Biding their time.

I can see you, Kirk... Can you see me? Oh, now be honest, Captain, warrior to warrior. You do prefer it this way, don't you, as it was meant to be? No peace in our time. "Once more unto the breach, dear friends."

I'd give real money if he'd shut up.

3.  You cannot Leave them unsupervised, without a double layer containment grid.  They breed like tribbles.  Or Buzzkill.

How many fences does your car need to keep it from escaping?

• Obvious lateral self replication.  Long blue Shitpile <–Short brown Shitpile <–Genuine Shitpile

2002 Jeep Liberty Sport 4wd

Continue reading

I swear it's not a social call.* And no, I did not park in the back to go unseen by cops or coworkers.

The best things:

• cost $75
• roll down rear windows
• could remove ignition key while the car was running (handy when fighting over who got to use it next)
• straight 6 tractor motor that would run forever

The worst things:

• everything else
• manual steering.  Even more fun with a broken idler arm, mqking it a Fox News car (always pulling right)
• straight 6 tractor motor that had about 90 hp
• everything was 5 minutes from failure – paint turning to dust.  window cranks spontaneously braking. Starter motor roulette.

Its collossal failures did lead to the acquisition of the Fury, so it’s got that going for it, which is good.

*The building in the background is the famous Downtowner motel, across the street from the BK Lounge.

tony merkle? He's a dick for doing this

1980 Mercury Zephyr, and a bit of public commentary…

[ca. November, 1980]

Fahrvergnügen? More like Fart! Fig Newton!

June 15, 1980, +/-

The biggest piece of shit ever made…

80,000+ miles

ca. 1979-1980