Messenger Puppet

What if Mutant Dog Fuckers had a tribute band?

It would be Steel Panther, singing why is my penis literally on fire Community Property

I would give you the stars in the sky
But they’re too far away
If you were a hooker, you’d know
I’d be happy to pay
If suddenly you were a guy
I’d be suddenly gay

‘Cause my heart belongs to you
My love is pure and true
My heart belongs to you
But my cock is community property

You’re the only girl that I like to screw
When I’m not on the road
When I come home, my dinner’s made
And the front lawn is mowed
I’ll kiss your mouth
Even after you swallow my load

‘Cause my heart belongs to you
There ain’t nothing that I wouldn’t do, for you
My heart belongs to you
But my cock is community property

I wanna make it clear
So you retain it
My dick’s a free spirit
And you can’t restrain it
No, you just can’t chain it down

I love you so much it hurts
From my head to my feet
I think of you and I can’t
Help but fondle my meat
I see your face every time
That I go out and cheat

‘Cause my heart belongs to you
There ain’t nothing that I wouldn’t do
My heart belongs to you
But my dong is community property
Yeah, yeah, yeah

U2 is not afraid of the sky, but the Cardinals (hello? birds!!!) are. WTF?

Dear Michael Bidwill:

Grow a pair, would you?  U2 gets an open roof in October, but the Cardinals are too big of pussies to do the same?  Fuck you.  I paid extra for the hole – I expect to be able to use it.

FOAD

Me.

P.S.  Yes, “Fuck you.  I paid extra for the hole – I expect to be able to use it.” is the same rant I use on that Vegas hooker.  What’s your point?

Dead dead guy:

You shoulda hit the Demerol in about 1989.  Everyone would love you.  I just listened to Smooth Criminal last night – infectious.  You still mostly looked like you.  You still sang like you and danced like you.  You were the King.  Had you graced us with your exit, you could have stayed the “King.”

I also listened to a 2003 performance of Ben.  Shittiness of the song notwithstanding, your performance was crap.  My voice broke less when I hit puberty.  The back up was straight out of  old Las Vegas (i.e., crappy show tunes)

Karma:  But Dr. G, even consummate professionals have off nights.  Plus, you like it when songs are obviously not lip synched.

Me:  True, and if this were a concert I attended, I would have no problem.  But, this was a recorded performance.  If this is the best he could do in concert, he sucked ass as a live performer.

Not to pile on (wait, I do mean to do that), your reputation would be less weirdo (no fake marriages, no fake sex life, no fake sperm donation on any of the kids, no hidden egg donation, no trial, no Gary Glitter/Rush Limbaugh trips to, uh, “priest-friendly” countries abroad.

But, no, you had to keep going with the surgeries and alleged felonies and pretty much, you insured that while I may still listen to your music, I will not pay one dime to do so (thank you Rhapsody), and you will always have asterisks next to your name.

Say hi to the elephant man.  Good luck explaining to him what you did with his corpse, you twisted fuck.

Elvis stuck around way too long (as a supposed rock star).  Same with Michael Jackson.  What did either of them do in the last 10 years of their careers that was worth a shit? (Rehashes of past success do not count.)

The Rolling Stones?  KISS?  They too got  so old and comfortable that they stopped being relevant 20 years ago. Bands I understand a little bit, bacause there is more than one voice. The solo “artists” though. I mean WTF?! “In the ghetto”? Fat Elvis had no legitimacy. Poor whiote trash from Mississippi Elvis, mifght have been able to sing with credibility, but he was too busy making movie and getting laid to ladle out such treacle. Invincible? Can you name one song from that album? Can you hum a few bars?

Don’t go away dead. Just go away.

Jury is out.  One thing that doesn’t suck  on Verizon Wireless (apart from paying for it)?  Rhapsody.

Almost unlimited music on my phone for $15/month.  Weirdest shit ever, and I don’t have to pay extra or pay for stuff that sucks.  The only other charge is burning it to CD, but the pretend my phone is an ipod part is free.

What does suck?  Metallica and the Chili Peppers only sell their music, regardless of usage.

Freak show is over, kids. Move along. (Photo CNN.com)

The “king” is dead.  Michael Jackson rides the highway to hell.

No, baby, you do not get one more chance.

What's (the most) wrong with this picture?

What the hell were you thinking, teaming up with Adam “shoulder pad wing things” Lambert? Does this mean the rumors about Paul Stanley are true after all? Or does it mean that the disco-dreck “I was made for loving you” was just the first of many completely whorish sell outs for $?

Awful Truth – Kill a Cop For God

Even I am offended, but so what?  First Amendment, bitches!!!