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Vegas Timeshare

Yeah. I own it.  And no, the loose slots they advertised had nothing to do with gambling or hookers.  In a related story, meet my new husband Johnnie Walker.

Mama, I’m comin’ home

Watch out for Lurlene, Jorge.  She’ll kick your ass if you don’t stick to your own beer. Seamus McCafferey’s: A place where everyone knows your name, if your name is Bunnahabhain

But you gotta have friends–

Jules: I don’t wanna hear about no motherfuckin’ ifs. All I wanna hear from your ass is, You ain’t got no problem, Jules. I’m on the motherfucker. Go back in there, chill them niggers out and wait for the calvary which should be coming directly. Marsellus: You ain’t got no problem, Jules. I’m on the [...]

FOUFCFK

is nearing reality. 1.  acquire word 2.  ??? 3.  Profit!! Stay tuned.

You are in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history…

…and it shows.  Your rolling creamsicle ads come in lots of different flavors Possibly the flavor is Sour Apple Black and topless like hookers named Apple The color of 8 barrel air cleaners Him: Reddened, like it’s engorged. Her: Stop looking at my boobs or I will take this microphone and Casino Royale your personal [...]

New York New York

Despite what your drunken penis-brain tells you, that hot redhead who reminds you of Louise (Padlock’s girlfriend) on the hysterical historical geology road trip to Niagara Falls is NOT hot for you. This is not the first time you will confuse a girl that talks to you with one who is interested in you. It’s [...]

ACID FLASHBACK THURSDAY: Gentleman Jack?

Jack Daniels. It’s what we hide under the back seats for when 8 Barrel has a party. 1971 VW 411 Spring or Summer, 1980

EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle

April 1981 photography by Chevelle

The Best of Times

Despite $1.30 to 1.40 for a gallon of gas and astronomical insurance rates… Some of these cars are used solely for transportation to work or school.  Other common uses are for mobile parties and for activities prohibited by a recent Supreme Court decision.  One individual’s “beast,” as he called it, looked like a combination para-military [...]

1988 Mercury Tracer

Where I saw one: Getting on the 51 today. Nostalgia Value: 5/10 Baseline: 0 – I never owned one. +1 for being a Ford-badged Mazda. Way better than being a Ford-badged Kia. +1 because I almost bought one, after my Festiva suffered it’s critical ass implosion, +1 for orange dash lights, +1 for not burning [...]