David E. Davis Was Wrong

He said the A-bodies would be the most successful GM cars ever.  Why was he wrong?

Buick Century 1.5
Chocolate velvet on the inside
  • No v. 1.0 models exist any longer.  There are plenty of 1.5s like this – well, more than zero – and you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a 2.0.  Still, Cadillac Escalade.  Boom, roasted.
  • This?  AYFKM?  Yellow on the outside, brown on the inside?  Bizarro world dog turd is what that color combination is.
  • Nevermind that Papa Don drove one like this – he got the employee discount, or, more likely, they paid him to take this shitbox.
  • Nevermind too, that Phid introduced me to the song Delirious in the 1982 version of this car.

They were handy for CMU road trips.  I’ll give them that.

I Went to a Garden Party…

Mmmm winter.  Time to party in the student ghetto.  Pod knows of a cozy little bash.  Ever the nonchalant one, he sidles up to all the pretty girls at school as  if he’s known them forever.  Phid, on the other hand, has more of an end game approach.  He gets more, earlier; Pod’s are more loyal down the road.  They brought you because: you’re buds, there’s more than enough to go around, you can be wingman for both and maybe one of the babes has a desperate friend or an appropriately low standards.
Continue reading “I Went to a Garden Party…”

Oh, Thank Heaven

Somewhere in the wasted haze of being 20 something, I decided that maybe shit jobs at the car wash and the BK lounge were not all that satisfying.  Pod and OG were finishing college.  Phid’s college career was as off the tracks as mine, but we had community college bullshit.  His job at one restaurant or another at least gave him enough cash to get the fuck out of his parents’ house, something I could only imagine.

In February 1985, I said goodbye to the Sparkle Buggy Wash. Too much wet shoes and frostbite. Not enough tip money or tit shots.  Plus, having my ass handed to me every Thursday in Euchre kinda got old.

Karma: What do you wanna do with your life?
Me: I wanna rock
Karma: That song is a year old.
Karma:Can you play?
:French Horn, dude!
Karma:*blank stare*
Me: Does Mutant Dog Fuckers count?
Karma:*throws help wanted ads (wrapped around a brick)* Continue reading “Oh, Thank Heaven”

Alex Trebek: It is the only acceptable excuse for

missing Phid’s bachelor party.

Q: What is coming to this dive with Madonna for bible reading, Scientology auditing 401K seminar late one night when she drops into town unannounced?

cable, HBO and intrusive housekeeping

HOLIDAY MOTEL – Your home for make up/first time/finally after six months of trying nookie.

P.S. I am sorry I missed the party. Still.

P.P.S. My alternative proved to be much less frustrating than a stripper would have been. So I had that going for me, which was good.