Say Yes to Michigan

Fat Drunk and stupid at Faber College (sort of). It’s time to visit 8 Barrel, Phid (and Jack Dova even) in Ann Arbor. Crash in the dorms so you can pretend to be a student (except for the cranial firepower and rich ass parents parts). Also not part of the experience? Going to class. (You […]

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Sockworthy

So last Tuesday, I was in suburban Detroit to prove that identically numbered addresses at 21xxx West Road in Woodhaven and Trenton were one and the same. BTW, they are. After a jaunt to the Belle Isle Aquarium, and a spontaneous private mini-tour of Ford Field (thanks again, T.J.) it was off to A2 for […]

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Indulge your inner Phid

Well, its 9/11 again. Screw mourning. Screw vengeance. On my planet, 9/11 means Phid. (It also means scar tissue (don’t ask), elephantitis (REALLY. DON’T. ASK.) and having a stripper buy you smokes and give you her phone number (life is good) but these will wait for another day.) This is Phid. Sort of. He is […]

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Open Bar? Always a Mistake

Stupid Drunken Things Not To Do It’s international Phid/Camaro Wedding Day. Drink up! Phid is getting married. WTF? By this point, you should have figured out that you will not be stealing his girl (Camaro) from him, as you silently bet yourself you could when you first met her. You were a clueless imbecile then […]

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Dog Days of Summer

A little bit of Joe College, a little bit of big ass lake… 179. Meet a guy named Darrell at freshman orientation. Party with him and some other dork in his “suite” at the Downtowner ($19.99 per night or portion thereof). Nearly kill yourself in a DUI going home, because DUI is still just a […]

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Oh my god, it will never end…

Stupid Drunken Things Not To Do Many of these are currently considered illegal, and they are all fictional or my name isn’t Dick R. Brettman. “Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems” – H. Simpson I. Drive el Festiva loco to 8 Barrel and Easy E’s pad for a fix-up party […]

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The Smoking Lamp Is Lit

STUPID DRUNKEN THINGS NOT TO DO Drive from Daytona to the gator farm in St. Augustine at ludicrous speed. When it’s time to pass the geezers, drive in the oncoming lane, while 8 Barrel and Phid, driving behind you, pass the same car at the same time, on opposite sides. (Mustang GTs can go off-roading, […]

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Flesh for Fantasy

SDTNTD: The Swamp Years Climb up a storm drain leading from a swamp. The fact that the pipe diameter keeps decreasing while the amount of sediment and water filling it is increasing is nothing to concern yourself with. And, there probably won’t be rats. Anyway, your friends probably have planned for popping the manhole cover […]

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