Tag Archives: rock bottom

Not Me

I swear…

Man drank from beer bottle, urinated in front of officer

A man with three previous DUI’s was arrested after nearly colliding with an unmarked Mesa police vehicle — twice.  Mesa police said undercover police Sgt. Mike Ivey was patrolling near First Avenue and Dana Avenue early Wednesday when a Ford Explorer bore down on him at an estimated 75 mph, barely missing the officer’s car.

According to police, Ivey was awaiting marked patrol units to assist in the traffic stop when he witnessed the driver, identified as Julio Ocampo, stop and exit his vehicle.

Ocampo allegedly drank from a dark beer bottle and urinated in the roadway in front of Ivey, who was parked 30-40 feet away.  The driver noticed Ivey’s vehicle and got back in the Explorer.  Ocampo then drove straight toward Ivey, nearly causing a second collision, police said.

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My ex-neighbor Howard

If this were 1970 or so, and the dude was 20 years younger and not a meth head…

Police chase man suspected of defecating in yard

by Lisa Halverstadt – Jun. 30, 2008 03:59 PM
The Arizona Republic

A Phoenix man was arrested Friday night after defecating and urinating on the side of a Tempe home and then running from police, police said. At about 8 p.m. Friday, a resident reported seeing a man defecating and urinating on his East Concorda home, police said. When police stopped Ruben B. Mendibles, 26,they found that he had six previous warrants from area agencies and attempted to arrest him. Following a brief chase, officers realized that Mendibles had left his vehicle running near the house with the driver’s side door open, according to police reports. Officers later found a pipe in Mendible’s pocket, methamphetamine and marijuana in his vehicle, and two false license plates on his vehicle. Mendibles told police the plates belonged to another car, according to reports. Mendibles was arrested on suspicion of criminal trespassing, displaying fictitious plates, possession of dangerous drugs, possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia.

I shit you not.

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Satan is alive

Satan is alive and living on Craiglist. Want proof? This:

Don’t read it.Dad/Daughter Role Play – m4w (East Valley)Don’t read it.

is some fuckhead’s idea of “porn” and a role playing hook up. It is not porn, it is Lucifer’s own colon, after a night of beans, onions, habaneros and battery acid. It’s toxic. Don’t read it. I got two paragraphs in and could not, would not finish. The rage. The utter repulsion. I had to stop before I screamed. Or barfed..

I understand porn. In my capacity as a “researcher of the human condition,” I am not completely unfamiliar with porn. That^^^ is not porn. I don’t know if it’s a crime, in and of itself, but it scares me. It is a window into the mind of the kind of boogeymen I have to protect my babies from.

There’s shit all over CL about the basest kinds of encounters one could ever want, and reading those is sort of like watching Springer or any other train wreck. The “how did you get to that point?” and “are real people really like that?” is what prompts my occasional visits. Plus, its difficult to turn away from the carnage. This thing, though, was a different creature. It was a play by play of violating a child, under the guise of an idealized “role playing” encounter (supposedly) between two consenting adults. Some sick ass motherfucker put a lot of thought into it, and enjoyed the visual. Some other pieces of shit will read it and enjoy it, imagining the visual. Some wrongheaded chick is going to participate in this shit, like it’s a good thing.

All I saw was that Haney bastard who used to work with my dad (he is now rotting in prison), talking to a kid that might be mine. My soul died a little bit with each passing word. I just had to, I have to hope that this was only a demented version of Dr. G and the Swedish bikini team – unlikely to occur in the reality based world before George Bush turns into an effective, respected, honest leader who wins the war on a concept and gives up his stolen oil riches. In other words, just horrific, stupid words from the black pit of imaginary ugliness.

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Craigslist – a place for weirdos

I was browsing the Craigslist the other day and found this headline

any young women interested in a daddy/daughter relationship? – m4w – 43

Oh shit, I wandered into the personals.  But WTF?  Daddy/daughter?  I just had daddy daughter time at Trader Joes, and it was limited to buying yogurt and telling fart jokes.

But there was more….

I love young women, I love being around them, and I love being friends with them. I’d love to meet a nice young woman who needs a daddy figure. We can hang out, go to movies, do whatever you want to do. It could be a sexual relationship, if you’re interested in that, or it doesn’t have to be if you don’t want that. Basically I’m just looking for a nice woman who likes being around an older man.

Please send a pic, and I’ll send one in return.

That one little sentence in the middle sort of caught my attention.  The guy asked for daddy daughter,  Then he said it could be a sex thing.  Uh-uh.  No,  No fucking way.  So I let him know that he was off course in his trolling, in my best neutral, non-judgmental way

You twisted fuck. I hope you get ebola and die. Or dick leprosy, plus resultant death. You are worse than my secretary who said something about sucking ass, a skill which sounds better suited to you, and something your future fellow inmates will exploit in due course. Die motherfucker. Die.

No response yet.  I assume the freak is cured.

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hooker hell

Pussy Galore

So, it’s a weekend like any other. It’s raining* and I need to pack my 200 lb. TV and other shit into a pickup bed that’s 3 sizes too small. Yes, it’s GTFOOH day. Yay. Naturally, this means that my neighbor needs to see me – probably to nickel and dime me on the stuff I am selling him.

Come over man, I need to talk to you about something.
Come on in the house man.
Here you go man, go take care of business…

This is what he meant…


Jill Masterson was NOT waiting for me

Yes, that’s right. My going away present was a hooker, all blond and naked and crouching tiger** on the bed – the key differences from the picture above being the lack of gold paint and the presence of aliveness.  Also the raging crack habit and the (presumed) herpes.

Me (to the professional): Oh, hiiii. How are you? *waves stupidly*
Neighbor: Go on and get your freak on, big guy.
Me (mulls it over for about < a second)
Me (inner monologue): Tonight’s top 10 reasons why this is a bad idea…

10. No body condom
9. No HMO coverage for penicillin –
Fuck 10 reasons. Fuck this whole bullshit hypothetical. No. Just… no.

hooker hell

reality was more naked. Dead painted girl was more preferable.

Me: Uh, thanks man, but I have to take a pass.

Neighbor: You sure, man? You don’t want a little head or something?
: You go take that bullet for me. [I actually said exactly that.]

So yes, it’s true. I actually turned down a piece of ass.

Also turned down? A variety of prescriptions and topical creams to cure previously unheard of STDs, plus extortion by my neighbor and/or a career as a YouTube porn star.

*Yes, rain.  In Phoenix.  For the first time in 5 fucking months.


Hi, God. Is this rain supposed to be a big “Fuck You” to me? Or is it some sort of Oprah moment with cleansing breaths and fresh starts and bullshit like that? Because cash or a party at Hooters would work just as well.



**I cannot say anything about any hidden dragons, because I wasn’t willing to get that close to that crouching tiger. At this point nothing would surprise me. I only saw her from the side and she did have the blanket bunched up in front a bit.

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