Get a Date, Don’t Be Late

Tickets to Founders Day Banquet: $20 Ride with some goof named Al: Free Getting a semi-hot date you have absolutely no chance of scoring with 40 minutes before the party starts?: $20 (for the tickets, dipshit). You can get shot down for free anytime you want, and pretty much every time you don't want. Cheesy award from Scott (which you keep for 25 years) because you at least didn't go stag, thereby beating the over/under : Obviously priceless. The pic is from a different banquet, although the girl in the red dress could very well…

Proof that Chicago did not happen

See? Never believe what you read. No one I know was ever near Wrigley. In other news, never trust a fucking camera phone. One day’s CYA photo is the next day’s “beyond a reasonable doubt.” You have been warned. But not by me. I wasn’t there. If I was, I didn’t say anything to you about it. If I did, it wasn’t that. If it was, you knew I was talking about space aliens and not any property crimes or disorderly conduct of any sort whatsoever on or about August 2, 2006 in the vicinity…