Pretend it’s 1984. The DOT has just legalized flush headlights(on the Lincoln Continental Mark VII). You cannot wait for it to trickle down to mere Jaguars, so you spend $3,000 getting European style converted headlights. Then you take your saucy little tart for a little freshening.
Not the car spa for a happy finish. No, you go to the insane-o-tron Sparkle Buggy Wash. WTF, dude? Is a $3.50 beating with brushes by high school dropouts (mostly) really worth it? I’m just askin’.
God, I loved these cars. Everything that was so right, and so wrong about American cars and GM, all bottled up into one effete and ponderous whale for everyman.
- The Seville (v. 1.0 and 3.0) “notchback” roofline
- The half Cutlass Supreme/ half tailfin taillights
- Bumpers that announce that your penis is made of steel.
- The plump assed French hooker rear end of the car, from delicate wire wheel covers (sometimes actual wire wheels) and the real men wear fender skirts to the subtle wedginess.
Jewel-Osco : home of “drug food.” And recurring gay themes. It’s Monday. Unload the truck then head to upper crust for pizza and beer. Skip the pizza. Find yourself married to some chick who tried to fix you up with a guy at the bar the first time you meet her outside of work. Osco says yes to ties, no…