#noSecondDateForYou

What did we learn?

“Hold on, I’m tweeting this” is not the right answer

Goddammit.

– Me, after doing the due diligence a little late.

Evidently, I don’t get to both express myself freely and do so without risking some sort of “your self-deprecating jokes are hurtful to me” response, even though there’s no names and no point about anyone else. There’s gotta be a Costanza for this moment of Zen.

Nah, too meta.

Tinder Mercies

The thing with Doyette. Or whatever the fuck her name was:

Doyette (OWTFHNW): Hi. How’s your day?
Me: Great. How’s yours.

Later…

Doyette (after a few vodka craberries, I am guessing): Asshole
Me: Learn a new word.

Trailer Nation

When your neighbor shows up to mandatory drug testing and blows a 0.3, plus has weed and meth in his system. #FredoWang

Texts With Chicks

What’s NOT normal about making not for distribution pictures into your background for 3 minutes and chats that last until 5 a.m. (local) and include advice about banging some dude that isn’t you and about dealing with your limes? It’s all part of the service. We just call it “Saturday.”

Rhymes with abundance of riches

What is it called when you’re on the phone with a girl, and getting drunk messaged by the back in the saddle girl who is misremembering 2007 while partying in the town where the ex wife now lives?
A: no idea, but it might explain waking up alone and a tad bit gutpunched by Budweiser.